Archive for the ‘Search Engines Suck’ category

Hilariousness Ensues

October 12, 2006

And I havent even been drinking.

Earlier, I was continuing my timely attempt at learning more from the Qur’an & the Torah, when I turned to teh interwebs to look something up…..

I never would have guessed it but yes, there it was in black and white, they were using EMINEM to explain Islam. What. The. Fuck? I submit the following:

EMINEM: “Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?”

ISLAMIC PROMOTIONAL WEBSITE: “Will the real Al Aqsa please stand up?”

Evidence HERE.

ALLAH’s WHACK Y’ALL!    WORD!

le sigh

NB: It is also a trip to bizzarro world to be simultaneously reading about moses/mohammad/my guaranteed one way trip to purgatory in EVERY religion there is, as well as the latest peice of lesbian erotica as penned by my girlfriend.

Post Script #1

My girlfriend has been published a few times. Shes rather good. Shes also A lesbian, yes, hense the lesbian theme of her work – she writes what she knows.

Post Script #2

I needed something uplifting. My blog (like my RL) has been far too depressing of late.

Post Script #3

No I will not elaborate on the context of my use of the word “girlfriend” in this post. You’ll all just use your imaginations and make it dirty, whether it is or not!

And I Thought He Was Fasting!

October 4, 2006

Search Engine Terms

These are terms people used to find your blog.

Today

Search Views

sex for dickheads                          2

Someone REALLY needs help.

September 27, 2006

I thought loser like this usually went to B-Grade porn movies for instruction, but it seems Google is the new instructional tool. Personally I would have thought it obvious, but this guy needs help.

Now Im not a man, and dont have a penis, but I think Id be smart enough to figure out how to fuck a woman in the arse, should the need arise. But then, Im a woman, and therefore have a genetic predisposition to be more intelligent (blog posts not withstanding).

Quick, someone get a hooker for this kids birthday!

Search Engine Terms
These are terms people used to find your blog.

Today
Search                                                                     Views
huniii                                                                           2
tell me how to go up the girl rear entry      1

Yesterday
Search
                                                                     Views
funny slogans for hospitals                                      1
spicy slogans                                                              1

Honey :1, Dickhead: 0.

September 26, 2006

How much am I loving Numbers 19 & 27? (the elephant being my spiritual animal)

It actually goes up to #74 but, well, this stuff gets confusing! I speak 4 languages fluently, and have a pretty good grasp of 8 more. Arabic just will not go into my head. I thought the structure of Japanese was difficult, but arabic speach patterns are mentally insurmountable to me. Maybe Ive just reached my language limit? I cant remember words for more than about 2 minutes, and as for pronunciation? Lets just say I’m the BEFORE in My Fair Lady.

Amazing Facts about Holy Quran

1. How many Surah are in Holy Quran ? 114
2. How many Verses are in Holy Quran ? 6666
3. How many dots are in Holy Quran ? 1015030
4. How many over bar (zaber) are in Holy Quran ? 93243
5. How many under bar ( Zaer ) are in Holy Quran ? 39586
6. How many Raque are in Holy Quran ? 1000
7. How many stop ( Waqf ) are in Holy Quran ? 5098
8. How many Thashdeed are in Holy Quran ? 19253
9. How many letters are in Holy Quran ? 323671
10. How many pash are in Holy Quran ? 4808
11. How many Madd are in Holy Quran ? 1771
12. How many words are in Holy Quran ? 77701
13. How many parts of Holy Quran ? 30
14. How many time Besmillah Al-Rahmaan Al-Raheem is repeated ? 114
15. How many Surah start with Besmillah Al-Rahmaan Al-Raheem ? 113
16. How many time the word ‘Quran’ is repeated in Holy Quran ? 70
17. Which is the longest Surah of Holy Quran ? Al-Baqarah
18. Which is the best drink mentioned in Holy Quran ? Milk
19. The best eatable thing mentioned in Holy Quran is ? Honey
20. Which is the shortest Surah of Holy Quran ? Qausar
21. The longest verse of Holy Quran is in which Surah? Al-Baqarah No 282
22. The most disliked thing by the God though Halal is ? Divorce
23. Which letter is used for the most time in Holy Quran? Alaph
24. Which letter is used for the lest time in Holy Quran ? Zaa
25. Which is the best night mentioned in Holy Quran ? Night of Qadar
26. Which is the best month mentioned in Holy Quran ? Ramadhan
27. Which is the biggest animal mentioned in Holy Quran ? Elephant
28. Which is the smallest animal mentioned in Holy Quran ? Mosquito
29. How many words are in the longest Surah of Holy Quran ? 25500
30. How many words are in the smallest Surah of Holy Quran ? 42

You can find the whole thing here

Fuck Me For $1000

September 25, 2006

To the person who keeps hitting my blog with that google search term:

I WOULD COST YOU WAAAAAAAYYYYYY MORE THAN THAT