Archive for the ‘Honey Vs Dickhead’ category

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

December 14, 2006

So how do you get over a serious relationship in record time?

How do you get over a guy you really care about as soon as you can?

Well, quite simply, you go and shag a Random. Fuck him stupid. Take out all your stress and anger and hurt and frustration and everything.

But what the fuck do you do when your sucking his cock and all you can do is think of your man and wish it was him?

You stop sucking and tell the random to “fuck me NOW, biatch”.

But what do you do when it just feels wrong, and all you want is your dickhead?

You send the Random home.

And when things with your dickhead just get worse and worse no matter how hard you try?

You get yourself seriously smattered with a bottle of bourbon and find a Better Endowed Random.

What do you do when you find yourself still thinking of your Dickhead whilst sucking off the Better Endowed Random?

Thats right, you tell him to fuck you. Only this time, you use every bit of mental power you have and focus solely on the physicality of what your doing. You praise yourself for accepting the advances of the nicely sized one, and silently say a thankyou to the sex gods for having him be skilled as well. You count your blessings that he is sensitive to your situation, and are grateful when he suggests a different position, saying things guaranteed to take your mind off your worries. You appreciate that he notices and cares that you could be enjoying yourself more, and submerse yourself when he stops talking to calm your worries and uses his mouth in a more effective form of distraction. You submit to his efforts, and let the orgasms take control. You let your physical desires overtake your mental and emotional ones. After all, being face down, ass up in a frenzy of exertion where both participants have submitted to their bodies most primal desires makes it hard to think!

I admit it. The sex was fucking good. So good I was able to immerse myself in it entirely until towards the end of round four, where, sweating profusely and utterly, totally, and completely spent, I basically collapsed on the bed underneath the Better Endowed Random. It took him about 45 seconds to pause and laugh. “Your completely wasted arent you Honey?” His enquiry was ment with a tired “uhuh”. He laughed, collapsed on top of me, tiny kisses and licks over the back of my neck and shoulders. “Thank god, Hon. I dont think I could go another minute. I dont have it in me to make you come again, let alone me!”

At least I slept well that night. But the first thought when I woke up was of Dickhead again.

So what do you do when you dont know what the fuck to do and you cant stop wishing your Dickhead would call to talk instead of lash out, make demands and make you feel like its all your fault?

Shag a Random Who Makes You Laugh, and try to relax and let the answers come by themselves.

But what do you do when that Random Who Makes You Laugh tells you stories of your Dickhead? When that Random not only has nothing to gain by telling you a lie, and doesnt even realise at first that your push for details isnt merely polite curiosity, but rather an urgent need to confirm that the person of whom the Random Who Makes You Laugh speaks is the very same Dickhead? HER Dickhead? When he gives you a piece of information that feels like a kick in the guts? That you cannot bring yourself to believe, yet has too many points that cannot be ignored?

You dont find much to laugh about with the Random Who Makes You Laugh. Not anymore.


Asking Your Help

October 17, 2006

So its probably not smart asking teh interwebs for help, but if some retard can research how to stick his cock up a girls arse, Im sure that someone out there can help me with a suggestion or two to my slightly less anal problem. Russell Allen, I guess that counts you out.

So Dickhead finally mesaged me last night after Id gone to bed, completely oblivious to the shittyness he had caused. Now I know his brothers here, I know hes busy, but surely he could find 2 minutes to talk to his woman? So when he messaged me (being still involved in other stuff) as if nothing was wrong, and woke me up, I wasnt in the best mood. (lets not forget the drugs im on that make me a psycho moody lunatic).

Now, Im not one to be angry at people and shut up about it. It makes me feel ill to hold that shit in. I dont bitch behind your back, I tell you that I have an issue. It takes a bit to piss me off, annoyance is not worth bitching about, but when you repeatedly annoy me, THAT makes me angry too. So Dickhead of course manages this fairly frequently, poor bastard. The thing is, because Im not seeing him at the moment, and because im not even talking to him as much right now, the little time we DO get on the fone seems to be taken up with me being pissed off and yelling at him. Hardly the behavious thats going to inspire him to make more talk time, huh?

So my question is this:

How do I tell him he has made me upset or angry, so that I dont feel that im being walked over and disrespected, whilst still managing to enjoy the time we have?

Because I hate using the time we have to argue, and feeling bad towards him, when we could be laughing and joking and having fun. Im having a hard time balancing the good stuff that I want to have, and the bad stuff I have to have.

And yes, person who knows who he is, I do know that Dickhead’s job is to make me happy – end of story, and that he should just stop being a fucktard to me, but HES A MAN, just like you, and therefore is STUPID. I know that if hed just stop pissing me off everything would be so much easier and better, but, like I said, HES A MAN. Its just not genetically possible!

The Countdown

ETA on last treatment:     0+ sleeps

Bugalugs’ birthday:            6 sleeps

End of ramadan:                 8 sleeps

Hugs from dickhead:          9+ sleeps*

*Dickhead reckons I have to give him a couple of extra days before I get to see him because of all his commitments to end-of-fasting celebrations. While I can see youd want to celebrate that, why isnt one of those celebrations the fact that he can get his freak on?? Id never make a good muslim, huh?

Trying Very Hard To Post

October 5, 2006

But its hard. It isnt normally. As you can tell by the shithouse standard of writing displayed on this site, I usually sit down, log on & tap away for 5 – 10 minutes, and press ‘publish’. Its that simple. I really do use this blog to empty my head. And right now my head is a mess. I know, I know, it usually is. But now its more so. Its like Im in thick fog. I cant seem to focus. I cant concentrate. I cant manage a coherant train of thought. Its most disconcerting. Although friends will tell you I often dont make sense when Im speaking to them, I always make sense to myself. Not right now though. Half way through a sentence I get brain freeze and forget what I was saying. Its frustrating. At the moment things in here are not going so well. Therapy has been stepped up. Aparently me going all aggressive at the doctors saying I didnt want to stay in their poxy establishment until the end of time seems to have offended the sadistic little fuckers, and their getting me back, and how! Its painful, and its exhausting. Its stressful and makes me sick. I also spend hours and hours in bed, which is even worse because theres no playing up……. So a few brief notes on what im up to, hopefully it will inspire me to write properly later. If not, it will at least serve as a memory jogger. And if I know anything about anyone, a bit of a conversation starter too. Look out email account, its gunna get hot! *checks her phone batteries are charged* *********************************EDIT********************************* STUPID FUCKING RETARDED FUCKING WANKER FUCKING WORDPRESS FUCKING GREMLINS FUCKING ATE THE FUCKING REST OF MY FUCKING POST THE FUCKING FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!

and im too frikken tired to redo it. i did it all too. properly even. and it was good. just for once. fucking fuck fuckers.

Honey :1, Dickhead: 0.

September 26, 2006

How much am I loving Numbers 19 & 27? (the elephant being my spiritual animal)

It actually goes up to #74 but, well, this stuff gets confusing! I speak 4 languages fluently, and have a pretty good grasp of 8 more. Arabic just will not go into my head. I thought the structure of Japanese was difficult, but arabic speach patterns are mentally insurmountable to me. Maybe Ive just reached my language limit? I cant remember words for more than about 2 minutes, and as for pronunciation? Lets just say I’m the BEFORE in My Fair Lady.

Amazing Facts about Holy Quran

1. How many Surah are in Holy Quran ? 114
2. How many Verses are in Holy Quran ? 6666
3. How many dots are in Holy Quran ? 1015030
4. How many over bar (zaber) are in Holy Quran ? 93243
5. How many under bar ( Zaer ) are in Holy Quran ? 39586
6. How many Raque are in Holy Quran ? 1000
7. How many stop ( Waqf ) are in Holy Quran ? 5098
8. How many Thashdeed are in Holy Quran ? 19253
9. How many letters are in Holy Quran ? 323671
10. How many pash are in Holy Quran ? 4808
11. How many Madd are in Holy Quran ? 1771
12. How many words are in Holy Quran ? 77701
13. How many parts of Holy Quran ? 30
14. How many time Besmillah Al-Rahmaan Al-Raheem is repeated ? 114
15. How many Surah start with Besmillah Al-Rahmaan Al-Raheem ? 113
16. How many time the word ‘Quran’ is repeated in Holy Quran ? 70
17. Which is the longest Surah of Holy Quran ? Al-Baqarah
18. Which is the best drink mentioned in Holy Quran ? Milk
19. The best eatable thing mentioned in Holy Quran is ? Honey
20. Which is the shortest Surah of Holy Quran ? Qausar
21. The longest verse of Holy Quran is in which Surah? Al-Baqarah No 282
22. The most disliked thing by the God though Halal is ? Divorce
23. Which letter is used for the most time in Holy Quran? Alaph
24. Which letter is used for the lest time in Holy Quran ? Zaa
25. Which is the best night mentioned in Holy Quran ? Night of Qadar
26. Which is the best month mentioned in Holy Quran ? Ramadhan
27. Which is the biggest animal mentioned in Holy Quran ? Elephant
28. Which is the smallest animal mentioned in Holy Quran ? Mosquito
29. How many words are in the longest Surah of Holy Quran ? 25500
30. How many words are in the smallest Surah of Holy Quran ? 42

You can find the whole thing here

The Silly Season

September 26, 2006

So Ramadan started on Sunday.  And Dickhead has decided to do it properly this year. And when he says properly, he means properly.

So I guess thats reason #684 why Dickhead and I shouldnt be a couple. But what are you going to do?

So not only am I going to be missing out on my regular coffees and stuff, but poor Honey is going to be shagless for a month!

Now OK, Ive gone more than a month without sex before, but when you know it in advance, it sucks. And not in the good way.

Mind you, Im thinking that this would also count as reason #685 why we are crap as a couple, because Sunday was also South Africa’s Heritage Day.

So what I hear you ask? Well Heritage day is celebrated with a great big braaivleis (read huge bbq feast). So yeah, IRONY PLUS. The day Dickhead starts fasting is the day I have a feast.

Poor bastard. HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

So seeing as I am sick, I finally got to benefit from that somewhat as my usual duties were suspended (ie it wasnt me who had to clean for, prepare and clean up after the entire ordeal) and I got to enjoy it like a normal person for a while. The BOYS were on their way out to my uncles property to join in (its a very communal thing) and called me from a service station stop to see how it was all going for me. When I said I wasnt having too much fun dealing with the family dramas, finding things a bit stressful, and feeling guilty for not helping out in the kitchen etc, they got a bit upset (overprotective little buggers that they are). It took a grand total of 3 minutes for Bear to call me back and say they were coming to rescue me, stopping off at my house to grab some stuff, and to be ready with Bugalugs when they got to my uncles to collect me.

Much bitching etc from the family & neighbours later, and we were on our way to the beach, my favourite place to be! What excellent boys have I. Dickhead called when we had just about gotten there as I stopped to get some cold drinks (that werent beer) for  Bugalugs and I. (Im not sposed to be drinking). He was surprised at the rescue mission (he was at work all day with a big job on Sunday) and got all protective about me driving so far. What the hell else am I sposed to do? Stick a 5yr old on the back of a bike? I think not! And how would I be any safer on the back of a bike if I had another attack than behind the wheel of a car I ask ya? Sheesh! Anyone would think I was sick or summin the way these men carry on! (The 120km/hr winds and smoke from the fires were just soooooo condusive to a smooth ride down the hume hwy, werent they?)

Needless to say, a few hours of sun, sand & surf later I was feeling pretty damned chuffed. Add to that the fantastic company I was in and you pretty much had heaven right there on the south coast. Home I came to entertain some friends for dinner, and again had help in the kitchen to the point where I basically gave direction only. Pretty cramped and difficult in my little galley-style kitchen (really must get Dickhead onto those renovations for me – put that on the list) and much good-natured arguing ensued. Funny how such small things can make a girl feel so loved.


And thats not the only thing that had me feeling that way. Special thanks go to Dickhead for Saturday Night. THAT was pretty much enough to fuel me through this whole thing. But add what my friends did, and theres no way this cancer thing is gunna win.