Archive for the ‘Culture’ category

I found it

January 31, 2007

I have been sent countless emails with links to the “lebo thugz” video on youtube (yes the one on the news) and numerous other ones that are similar. Mostly from my lebo friends.

However, today, I got one with a “response” clip attached. Funny how its my skip friends who are circulating these. lol

Im thinking its the best one ive got so far. Let me know if you have a better one.

So, lebo thugz, where the bloody hell are you?

(thankyou to the imbicile who txtd me to say “pack raping lara bingle – explains why noones heard from her in a while” your a goose!)

Fuckers Are Messing With Me

January 30, 2007

So welcome to my 3 new arrivals to the blog. That I know in real life. Two I helped, one found it herself (little miss smarty pants).

Thankyou Dickhead for pointing out the error in my last post. And thankyou for lying to me just to see my reaction. And please kindly tell me next time it IS your finger in my ass and you choose to “just see what youd do” when you dont admit it. You. Sick. Fucker.

Can the person who said they cried twice in one night reading my blog please not? Its not that bad, surely? No seriously, what I wrote about you was not supposed to do that. And either was the bit about dying. Im here now, lets just enjoy that, and worry about the rest later, mkay?

And as for the one who said he sat there crying like a bitch – suck it up baby and get me my coffee! Cmon, the only thing you like more than my sexy arse is my smart arse!

That new ad with Sigrid freaking thornton? Whom i hate? Your WRONG biatch. Most Smoking related illnesses are NOT slow and painful ways to die! Its freaking FAST! Didnt you read my “facts” post? Theres something thats NOT “whats good for you”. Fuck off. You Suck.

What the fuck is this new andrew okeefe show? Rich List? This has apparently been on before? Shows i dont watch much tv, hey. What I want to know is, if those 2 guys have supposedly never met before, why do they dress in tandem? And how flamingly gay is the skinny one? And how weird are his eyebrows? And does he get his make up done by bert newtons makeup artist? And if so, why? Actually, WHY is a very apt question to ask about the entire show. I dont get it. I know i didnt watch much, but still. And why is the skinny guy trying to jump n hump the fat one all the time? I didnt hink even gay men liked strange men jumping all over them. Particularly ones with bert newton makeup on. On national tv.

96.1fm i love you but that K-Sera girl fucking pisses me off. Stop talking about your “home boys” and your “peeps”. You sound like a fuckwit. And interviewing and editorialising are two COMPLETELY different things. Look one up. Id suggest looking them both up but im not sure you can spell. You make me cringe. I get gangsta speak. I like rnb, hip hop and rap. i like crunk. i know who tupac and biggie et al are (and am aware of the hilarity of using et al in that sentence). I know you do. But you sound as try hard and ridiculous as those callers “giving a shout out to all the 2142 boyz, representin it yo!” K-Sera, i may be wrong, but behind all that “frontin” and “representin” you do, you can construct a coherant sentence. You can use words that arent monosyllibic. I think you may have gone to school. Uni even. So please, your not fooling anyone. You arent black, your not from detroit, and you arent tough. In fact, when I hear you speak, i get visions of you holding something small, cute, and fluffy. And liking it.

Im in a weird place. Stuff is happening. And not happening. And my brain wont think, the fucker. Id give alot just to be able to think again. I dont like not being smart. I know many of you wouldnt believe it, but im actually clever-like.

Well.

I was.

Cancers a cunt.

and normally i dont even use that word.

on a side note, the arabic seems to suddenly be sinking in. weird.

maybe it was all those fucking UBER hot lebbos I was hanging out with on sunday morning. phwoar! i mentioned my little addiction to dickhead, and how hot those arabs are, and all he did was laugh. the little fucker didnt even offer himself up for me to satiate myself with. damn. damn his frustratingness. damn their hotness. and by that i mean GOD DAMN!!!! lol. those lips, those eyes, those muscles, those accents, that confidence……

ehem

yes mr-you-know-who-you-are, i do remember your saying. this leb constantly tells me that i dont know how hard it is being a leb, having to film it everytime he fucks, so that at the end of it he can share it with his mates…….. a copy for each defence lawyer.

Smarter Than The Average…..& Never Late For Dinner

October 11, 2006

Bear

1964 -2006

I spent a long time at the computer last night. I wrote quite a lot. I was very proud of my work. It came both easily and with great difficulty. I was proud of what I had written, both for him and for me. And then it all dissappeared. So here I am again, and funnily enough, it feels alot like it did last night. I guess I needed to say more. I guess he wasnt quite done with hearing what I have to say. So this time it will be a different post, the last being a long list of his faults, the things others saw, followed by what was real. This time its more the story of what happened, and how things are now.

On Monday, Bear didnt show up to see me. I found this quite odd, but then again, he often goes off on a bender, so i was dissappointed but not alarmed. The boys all headed up on Tuesday evening for dinner, and although Bear hadnt replied to the text message inviting him (he never answers his fone, you cant riding a bike) he would never miss a free feed, and I expected him to be there. So when dinner was served and he still hadnt arrived, the conversation quickly turned to this surprising fact. It quickly became apparent that not one of the boys had heard from him in 2 days, and either had I. This being completely out of character, the meal was quickly abandoned and phone calls were made to search for him. I rang Dickhead who said his sms’ from the day before hadnt been answered either. The guys and I were worried, personally I was in near panic mode. I had felt uneasy about him not coming up for his daily visits to me in hospital. He has been my rock through this whole hospital malarky and some days was what kept me from packing up and going home.

One of my boys, Keefer, was out his way (Bear lived in the inner west) and headed straight for his place. No answer to his knocks on the door, no answer. Keefer enlistis Bears neighbour to help, and kicks in the front door, deciding that maybe theres some hint inside as to what the fuck is going on.

The phone call he makes to tell us what he found must have been a hard one to make. Its obvious Bears been there for a while, the syringe still in his arm.

Bear was a drunkard, a womaniser, a thug, a drug user, a brawler, a bastard, and a few screws loose. He was harsh, loud, brash, uncouth, rough and ready. Bad tempered and quick to fire up, he never backed down from a fight and was usually the one to start it. Easy to hate and hard to love, he played to win and cared little for collateral damage.

Whats his was his, and that was the end of the story a far as he was concerned. You scratched his bike parking your car? You wont have a car to come back to. You cheated him on a deal? He’d take or destroy everything you owned. You spoke ill of him? He’d break your jaw. However you hurt him or wronged him, he’d make sure you paid a hefty price. 

Bear didnt see his friends as other people, he saw them as his belongings. That might sound horrible to you, but it wasnt. Like I said, whats his was his, and he treated us like we were just an extention of himself. Someone hurt us, they hurt Bear. He protected us. Someone did good by us, they did good by Bear. Our friends were his friends. If Bear won at the races, or work was particularly profitable that week, we all shared in the bounty. (None of us are slackers, when weeks were bad we all pitched in and did more than what was needed).

New additions to our circle always commented that Bear seemed to have a special place in his heart for me. That it was like I was his little sister. He would protect me from harm, soothe my pains, and was vicious to those who wished ill on me. He would also scold me for my bad choices, forbid me to go places, see people, or do things he didnt approve. He was always “all up in my business”. He had a nose for sniffing me out, and would always know if I was hiding something from him. He had an uncanny ability to know exactly what I was doing, even when it was impossible for him to know. I wasnt his little sister though, it was more like I was his pet. A dear companion whose presence gladdened his heart, but who needed a strong hand to keep them in line as the sweet thing he saw when he looked at me. Many a time he’d grab me in his big arms, hold me tightly to his chest and ruffle my hair, shoving me aside when hed had enough sayin “gorn git” with a smile in his voice, and a hearty chuckle at the state of my hair and my useless attempts at protesting and remonstrations.

My boys are of the opinion im taking it hard. I can see why they say so. But at the same time im not sure. In fact, im not sure of much at all. This time its different. Theres a heavyness there that ive never felt before. The tears dont come. The pain is dull. Everythings dull. I find myslef lost in space, not thinking, not feeling, not even being, not that that makes sense. Its a heavy heart, a heavy mind, and a heavy soul that resides in me right now. And its a load I dont know how to lift.

Some will think it silly, and I wouldnt blame them, i dont even know how i feel about it myself, but culturally its significant. The significance stares me in the face, coming unbiddent to my thoughts, seemingly out of nowhere, but come it does, most incessantly. Its a significance I cant brush off.

This cancer carries death upon its back that seeks to take me has been thwarted by this treatment. Bear has kept a solid vigil by my side, and been the medics strongest advocate. On the day I receive news that death has indeed been cheated at least for now, death wheels around, furious, he takes his vengance on my champion. It is my fault. I have bad luck (not really the right word but fuck yas, it’ll have to do, its one of those things that doesnt translate). I have cheated and must pay the price, death must have its kill.

Trying Very Hard To Post

October 5, 2006

But its hard. It isnt normally. As you can tell by the shithouse standard of writing displayed on this site, I usually sit down, log on & tap away for 5 – 10 minutes, and press ‘publish’. Its that simple. I really do use this blog to empty my head. And right now my head is a mess. I know, I know, it usually is. But now its more so. Its like Im in thick fog. I cant seem to focus. I cant concentrate. I cant manage a coherant train of thought. Its most disconcerting. Although friends will tell you I often dont make sense when Im speaking to them, I always make sense to myself. Not right now though. Half way through a sentence I get brain freeze and forget what I was saying. Its frustrating. At the moment things in here are not going so well. Therapy has been stepped up. Aparently me going all aggressive at the doctors saying I didnt want to stay in their poxy establishment until the end of time seems to have offended the sadistic little fuckers, and their getting me back, and how! Its painful, and its exhausting. Its stressful and makes me sick. I also spend hours and hours in bed, which is even worse because theres no playing up……. So a few brief notes on what im up to, hopefully it will inspire me to write properly later. If not, it will at least serve as a memory jogger. And if I know anything about anyone, a bit of a conversation starter too. Look out email account, its gunna get hot! *checks her phone batteries are charged* *********************************EDIT********************************* STUPID FUCKING RETARDED FUCKING WANKER FUCKING WORDPRESS FUCKING GREMLINS FUCKING ATE THE FUCKING REST OF MY FUCKING POST THE FUCKING FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!

and im too frikken tired to redo it. i did it all too. properly even. and it was good. just for once. fucking fuck fuckers.

Honey :1, Dickhead: 0.

September 26, 2006

How much am I loving Numbers 19 & 27? (the elephant being my spiritual animal)

It actually goes up to #74 but, well, this stuff gets confusing! I speak 4 languages fluently, and have a pretty good grasp of 8 more. Arabic just will not go into my head. I thought the structure of Japanese was difficult, but arabic speach patterns are mentally insurmountable to me. Maybe Ive just reached my language limit? I cant remember words for more than about 2 minutes, and as for pronunciation? Lets just say I’m the BEFORE in My Fair Lady.

Amazing Facts about Holy Quran

1. How many Surah are in Holy Quran ? 114
2. How many Verses are in Holy Quran ? 6666
3. How many dots are in Holy Quran ? 1015030
4. How many over bar (zaber) are in Holy Quran ? 93243
5. How many under bar ( Zaer ) are in Holy Quran ? 39586
6. How many Raque are in Holy Quran ? 1000
7. How many stop ( Waqf ) are in Holy Quran ? 5098
8. How many Thashdeed are in Holy Quran ? 19253
9. How many letters are in Holy Quran ? 323671
10. How many pash are in Holy Quran ? 4808
11. How many Madd are in Holy Quran ? 1771
12. How many words are in Holy Quran ? 77701
13. How many parts of Holy Quran ? 30
14. How many time Besmillah Al-Rahmaan Al-Raheem is repeated ? 114
15. How many Surah start with Besmillah Al-Rahmaan Al-Raheem ? 113
16. How many time the word ‘Quran’ is repeated in Holy Quran ? 70
17. Which is the longest Surah of Holy Quran ? Al-Baqarah
18. Which is the best drink mentioned in Holy Quran ? Milk
19. The best eatable thing mentioned in Holy Quran is ? Honey
20. Which is the shortest Surah of Holy Quran ? Qausar
21. The longest verse of Holy Quran is in which Surah? Al-Baqarah No 282
22. The most disliked thing by the God though Halal is ? Divorce
23. Which letter is used for the most time in Holy Quran? Alaph
24. Which letter is used for the lest time in Holy Quran ? Zaa
25. Which is the best night mentioned in Holy Quran ? Night of Qadar
26. Which is the best month mentioned in Holy Quran ? Ramadhan
27. Which is the biggest animal mentioned in Holy Quran ? Elephant
28. Which is the smallest animal mentioned in Holy Quran ? Mosquito
29. How many words are in the longest Surah of Holy Quran ? 25500
30. How many words are in the smallest Surah of Holy Quran ? 42

You can find the whole thing here

The Silly Season

September 26, 2006

So Ramadan started on Sunday.  And Dickhead has decided to do it properly this year. And when he says properly, he means properly.

So I guess thats reason #684 why Dickhead and I shouldnt be a couple. But what are you going to do?

So not only am I going to be missing out on my regular coffees and stuff, but poor Honey is going to be shagless for a month!

Now OK, Ive gone more than a month without sex before, but when you know it in advance, it sucks. And not in the good way.

Mind you, Im thinking that this would also count as reason #685 why we are crap as a couple, because Sunday was also South Africa’s Heritage Day.

So what I hear you ask? Well Heritage day is celebrated with a great big braaivleis (read huge bbq feast). So yeah, IRONY PLUS. The day Dickhead starts fasting is the day I have a feast.

Poor bastard. HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

So seeing as I am sick, I finally got to benefit from that somewhat as my usual duties were suspended (ie it wasnt me who had to clean for, prepare and clean up after the entire ordeal) and I got to enjoy it like a normal person for a while. The BOYS were on their way out to my uncles property to join in (its a very communal thing) and called me from a service station stop to see how it was all going for me. When I said I wasnt having too much fun dealing with the family dramas, finding things a bit stressful, and feeling guilty for not helping out in the kitchen etc, they got a bit upset (overprotective little buggers that they are). It took a grand total of 3 minutes for Bear to call me back and say they were coming to rescue me, stopping off at my house to grab some stuff, and to be ready with Bugalugs when they got to my uncles to collect me.

Much bitching etc from the family & neighbours later, and we were on our way to the beach, my favourite place to be! What excellent boys have I. Dickhead called when we had just about gotten there as I stopped to get some cold drinks (that werent beer) for  Bugalugs and I. (Im not sposed to be drinking). He was surprised at the rescue mission (he was at work all day with a big job on Sunday) and got all protective about me driving so far. What the hell else am I sposed to do? Stick a 5yr old on the back of a bike? I think not! And how would I be any safer on the back of a bike if I had another attack than behind the wheel of a car I ask ya? Sheesh! Anyone would think I was sick or summin the way these men carry on! (The 120km/hr winds and smoke from the fires were just soooooo condusive to a smooth ride down the hume hwy, werent they?)

Needless to say, a few hours of sun, sand & surf later I was feeling pretty damned chuffed. Add to that the fantastic company I was in and you pretty much had heaven right there on the south coast. Home I came to entertain some friends for dinner, and again had help in the kitchen to the point where I basically gave direction only. Pretty cramped and difficult in my little galley-style kitchen (really must get Dickhead onto those renovations for me – put that on the list) and much good-natured arguing ensued. Funny how such small things can make a girl feel so loved.

shoes

And thats not the only thing that had me feeling that way. Special thanks go to Dickhead for Saturday Night. THAT was pretty much enough to fuel me through this whole thing. But add what my friends did, and theres no way this cancer thing is gunna win.