Archive for the ‘All that other stuff’ category

Fuckers Are Messing With Me

January 30, 2007

So welcome to my 3 new arrivals to the blog. That I know in real life. Two I helped, one found it herself (little miss smarty pants).

Thankyou Dickhead for pointing out the error in my last post. And thankyou for lying to me just to see my reaction. And please kindly tell me next time it IS your finger in my ass and you choose to “just see what youd do” when you dont admit it. You. Sick. Fucker.

Can the person who said they cried twice in one night reading my blog please not? Its not that bad, surely? No seriously, what I wrote about you was not supposed to do that. And either was the bit about dying. Im here now, lets just enjoy that, and worry about the rest later, mkay?

And as for the one who said he sat there crying like a bitch – suck it up baby and get me my coffee! Cmon, the only thing you like more than my sexy arse is my smart arse!

That new ad with Sigrid freaking thornton? Whom i hate? Your WRONG biatch. Most Smoking related illnesses are NOT slow and painful ways to die! Its freaking FAST! Didnt you read my “facts” post? Theres something thats NOT “whats good for you”. Fuck off. You Suck.

What the fuck is this new andrew okeefe show? Rich List? This has apparently been on before? Shows i dont watch much tv, hey. What I want to know is, if those 2 guys have supposedly never met before, why do they dress in tandem? And how flamingly gay is the skinny one? And how weird are his eyebrows? And does he get his make up done by bert newtons makeup artist? And if so, why? Actually, WHY is a very apt question to ask about the entire show. I dont get it. I know i didnt watch much, but still. And why is the skinny guy trying to jump n hump the fat one all the time? I didnt hink even gay men liked strange men jumping all over them. Particularly ones with bert newton makeup on. On national tv.

96.1fm i love you but that K-Sera girl fucking pisses me off. Stop talking about your “home boys” and your “peeps”. You sound like a fuckwit. And interviewing and editorialising are two COMPLETELY different things. Look one up. Id suggest looking them both up but im not sure you can spell. You make me cringe. I get gangsta speak. I like rnb, hip hop and rap. i like crunk. i know who tupac and biggie et al are (and am aware of the hilarity of using et al in that sentence). I know you do. But you sound as try hard and ridiculous as those callers “giving a shout out to all the 2142 boyz, representin it yo!” K-Sera, i may be wrong, but behind all that “frontin” and “representin” you do, you can construct a coherant sentence. You can use words that arent monosyllibic. I think you may have gone to school. Uni even. So please, your not fooling anyone. You arent black, your not from detroit, and you arent tough. In fact, when I hear you speak, i get visions of you holding something small, cute, and fluffy. And liking it.

Im in a weird place. Stuff is happening. And not happening. And my brain wont think, the fucker. Id give alot just to be able to think again. I dont like not being smart. I know many of you wouldnt believe it, but im actually clever-like.

Well.

I was.

Cancers a cunt.

and normally i dont even use that word.

on a side note, the arabic seems to suddenly be sinking in. weird.

maybe it was all those fucking UBER hot lebbos I was hanging out with on sunday morning. phwoar! i mentioned my little addiction to dickhead, and how hot those arabs are, and all he did was laugh. the little fucker didnt even offer himself up for me to satiate myself with. damn. damn his frustratingness. damn their hotness. and by that i mean GOD DAMN!!!! lol. those lips, those eyes, those muscles, those accents, that confidence……

ehem

yes mr-you-know-who-you-are, i do remember your saying. this leb constantly tells me that i dont know how hard it is being a leb, having to film it everytime he fucks, so that at the end of it he can share it with his mates…….. a copy for each defence lawyer.

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A Break From Banality

October 16, 2006

Just for a little bit.

So I dont usually do this sort of thing, but I decided that fuck it, just this once I will, for reasons Id rather not go into really.

So you all know that World Vision has that child sponsorship thing going, right? $39/mth and you can give a child a chance at a better future, and the way they do it means its not just one child that benefits, but the whole village.

Well, what you might not have considered before is this. And thats what Im crapping on about today. This is for all those people who dont want the commitment of sponsoring a kid. I mean, who hasnt thought “but what happens if I cant afford a payment this month” or “but what happens if I dont want to do it anymore?” Coz the only thing worse than not helping a starving kid, would be helping it and then stopping right?

So this way you can give a gift. A once off, no commitment, no responsibility sort of thing.

For as little as $24 you can immunise a child or pregnant woman from easily preventable diseases like measles, typhoid and tuberculosis, in countries like Sudan and Zambia.

If your feeling a bit more generous, how about spending $48 for a lamb or a goat, which will provide food and wool for clothes and blankets, or milk, which will also produce offspring to sell at the market, to raise, or to eat, in countries like Azerbaijan, Mongolia, Somalia or Sudan. Still less than $50 bucks. The goat program is called Kids for Kids, whic is a much better program than the one Australia has of paying young bogan ho’s $3000 to have a kid, if I do say so myself. You can help 60 families for that price! Bargain! (try finding a goat for $50 at your local bi-lo, you feral fucks)

For $89 (still less than a trip to the hairdresser) you can give a child the operation they need to stop from going blind in Zambia. Nuff said.

And if a group of you are feeling generous, or your business was extra naughty this year and claimed back a few questionable things, or “forgot” to pay tax on a fair bit of cash sales…… $626 will buy a yak for a Mongolian family, or better yet, $1400 will provide a clean water well for a community in places like Liberia.

So do something to make yourself feel good, and help someone out. Instead of saying “oh yeah, I keep meaning to do something like that” actually get your arse in gear and go do it.

And if your going to sponsor a child, instead of chucking an angelina & going shopping for a “designer” starving child, click on the link BELOW the choice of boy/girl/country/age etc, and chose the child that has been waiting the longest.

Go on, pick that ugly little bugger who sounds like a loser. You know nobody else will.

Aurelius Comes to Town

July 10, 2006

So with all the emotional crap that has hit the fan lately I forgot to blog about the visitor/couch warmer I had last week! Sorry babe!

So last Thursady Aurelius flew into Sydney in the hope he could crash on my lounge until his bus left Friday morning to convey him to his son for a school holiday visit. So Bugalugs and I drove down and collected him. Upon delivering instructions as to how to get to where we were parked (it was too late at night to be taking Bugalugs out in the cold, and its just so much easier to meet like that. No chance of walking past each other, or finding a good place to wait.) I explained I had parked on level 4, outside the lifts. He asked the make and model of the car, and I told him. He got to the lifts, and wondered how he would find me. He stepped out, and it hit him in the face. Knowing me as he does, the vanity plates SCREEMED “here we are Aurelius!!!” He should have known better. lol.

So we had a good chat on the way home, and whilst we stopped for him to have some dinner, poor thing had to settle for takeaway whilst bugalugs slept in the car. Back at home, we spent the remainder of the evening chatting and giggling. The conversation was easy as always. Silences were comfortable. Although it was bizzare to hear his particular catchphrases from someone on the couch next to me, instead of on the phone. Bizzare to hear his familiar tones and inflections eminating from another room whilst I made coffee. It was good though. And nowhere near as bizzare as the ad we watched on the ABC whilst chatting away. As much of a crack up as Spiky Ninjas was the other week on the phone, it was something else again to watch Mr John Howard, the trakkie-wearing-I-Suck-severely-at-cricket prime minister of ours, wishing Play School a happy 40th aniversary whilst balancing Big Ted on his lap. WHAT. THE. FUCK????

Let me assure you, it did NOTHING to improve my opinion of the man. Although it may explain a few things…… At least now we know how he comforts himself when George Dubbya is too busy to answer his calls.

I did glean from Aurelius a fantastic habit of his version of Dickhead as related to me. At times his female dickhead does things i want to shoot her for, just as dickhead makes Aurs shake his head in wonderment, however every now and then she does something of such unbridled wonderment that I just want to hug her, squeeze her and name her “squishy” and love her forever (possible not quite the same way as HE wants to, but I digress)

LadyDH, apparently, has a BRILLIANT way of signalling her displeasure which upon hearing I promptly stole. It seems that whilst in a txty conversation, she sends blank sms’ to signal the fact that Aurelius is now suffering the ‘silent treatment’. Sheer brilliance! And I thought you couldnt get any more irritating than simply not responding! She puts me to shame. This tactic can be employed during email tag too. No wonder Aurelius likes her! Shes pure gold!

So thankyou for the visit Aurelius, it was nice, albeit very short. My couch is all the better for having you.