Archive for March 2007

Desperate Plea for Help

March 30, 2007

In spite of this blog usually being full of cmpletely inane and inconsequential crap, my life actually has substance.

And Dickhead really is overseas right now being seen by a doctor (who i firmly believe is a quack) for a significant and incurable illness.

Dear readers, I need your help.

I am 100% seriously calling on the blogosphere for any assistance that any of my readers (even the lurkers and once off’s) can provide.

You see, there is rumour that this doctor that is going to be treating my beloved, may be just a little on the shonky side.

And anyone going near my man who has the capacity to harm him had better be sqeeky clean, if you ask me.

So anyone who can do an awesome google search, or who can track down history of doctors currently practising in Lebanon or Jordan, and in particular ones who have practised previously in the UAE (and even been touted as shonky in Dubai) could you please send me an email, or give me a shout out, or SOMETHING.

I dont want to post the condition, or the doctors name here in public, and am not making accusations, im just looking for information.


Anything anyone can find out about this doctor would be most appreciated.

Because thousands of dollars pissed up the wall is one thing, but my man coming home worse than he left, or with more problems?

Well thats just not acceptable to me.

And to be honest, i cant handke any more problems right now.


i dont even care if i get spammed, just please, if you think you can help at all, beep me.


Letter to Dickhead

March 28, 2007

I just sent Dickhead an email that encapsulated pretty much all the big bits of my world right now, both those talked about here, and offline with people, and seeing as im such a lazy beeyotch, i thought that Id just copy paste it here, to update everyone, and just change the names etc.




Subject: Feel Good Inc

things on the *big scary thing* front seem better and are almost fixed. seems to be all ok. i just got off the fone to *lady from big scary thing* and its all going fine. stress all but over. 99.9% happy. my tummy is returning to normal, so you should be jumping up and doing a dance.

can i please have the log book for the *Dickheadmobile*

forward moevement on the panel beating issue, with the doors and front bar sorted, he just wants to get a friend to look at the bonnet re the dents, as it may be a cheaper option to get his friends dent fixing company to do that bit, rather than pay his boys to do it. if not, he will. so alls good there.

bit of bad news, you need a new alternator too. but thats easy enough to sort out, so no big deal.

oh and i really really need that log book please so we can go through the cars history and try and work out before hand if theres any other gremlins that might pop up, before we pull the whole thing apart. yes we. i have been roped in to assist, in order to speed things up etc.

alls going well on the car front it seems. well, not WELL, but forward. am just looking at all the options and then will make a decision on best way to go that will give best results vs effort and money.

miss you
love you
and this house painting thing is awful, but *MINs real name* is coming round to help – with a few bottles of wine, over the next week or two, so just dont get a shock if you come back and my house is all, well, looking like it was painted by two drunk women.



I am currently absolutely covered in paint. I look like an absolute tool……OH! That reminds me!

please excuse me while I go change a collegue of thee Big Man’s computer wallpaper to read “LEE IS A TOOL”

yes, i am easily amused.

Look Out Steph

March 26, 2007

Your poetry has been given a run for its money HERE

I really dont know which bit of this post to talk about first, so ill just copy paste the lot here for your viewing pleasure. Dont say I never do anything for you guys!

Cliffordz Rap: 

Yo, yo. Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah. Feel it. Alright.

Yo. Yo. Turn that beat up a little bit. Yeah. No a little more. Yeah. Turn it up yeah. Uh. Uh huh. Yeah. Turn it up more. Oh yeah. Turn it—Ah god that’s too loud. Turn it down right now. Turn it down a bit more. Quick. Yeah. That’s right. Uh huh. Much better, thanks. Yo. Yo. Check it.

My name is Clifford and I really like to rap. I’m rapping right now and I’m rapping all the time.

I rap real good and I rap real fast. And if you don’t just like it then you can just shut the hell up fast.

Yo. Check it fools. Don’t be dissin’ my rhymes, otherwise I be getting angry all the times. Then I just might diss you back, although when I diss it be like a rap attack (which is in your face.)

Yeah. I like to have sex with bitches, sometimes in ditches, I be countin my riches, with these bitches, in the ditches. For ever.

So don’t be intimidated by my skillz, and don’t stand close when I cough or else I will make you illz. But not ill as in good at rappin, but ill as in all day toilet crappin.

Speakin of crap, oh look it’s your face. I’ve never seen anything uglier except the time a dog took a dump on your face.

I’m constantly improvin, like home improvement, with the main guy who does the grunting sounds, not that fat guy Roy or whatever his name is. He is rubbish.

So alright it’s time for me to be out. My toast be comin out of the toaster and my bagels be poppin out the oven, so don’t think I’m a boaster but I know I got the house pumpin. Or grinding, possibly both simultaneously.

Keep it real in your heart constantly, peace and for real.

 Gold, Pure Gold. Thats Tops.

Its the whole website though really – I just cant choose what to point out first.

Its awesome. Check it!


March 26, 2007

Like, 7 days or so scince i last posted! Holy Fuckoly! Is that a record for me?

Hmmm, whats been going on in that time?

Lets see, dealing with Dickhead being away, dealing with being sick, running around like a headless chook trying to fit a million things into….. oooooh, about 5 minutes?

Lets see, a two minute wrap up? Sure! I can do that!

St Paddys eve was spent shagging one of the guys who offered me their number at the Big Man’s shop. St Paddys Day was spent at footy with bugalugs (45-10 TAKE THAT GPB!), shopping, hanging with Old Yeller and his family (doing DHs work stuff but also just generaly hanging) and chatting to DH on the fone. St Paddys Night turned into a shermozzle with my GF (yes ACTUAL gf, one that i shag, not just a friend) cancelling due to a break down/accident/whatever in the rain, then all the friends id turned down for my night without bugalugs had already gone to pubs n clubs all over sydney & surrounds, and im not one to go to a pub/club alone anymore, so I called Mr Bardarkis from Big Man’s (not the friday night shag – another one) and we went to PJ Gallaghers at Parra. Ran into a few friends there, took Mr Bardarkis home (as he had to be home by 12 before he turned into a pumpkin so he could go visit his missus after work) and headed back to PJs (ie Notorious Pick Up Joint). Ran into more friends, took one home, shagged him, returned him to his home, got back to mine to find GF had made it after all, shagged her, fell asleep. (as would you after dropping an e and having a couple of drinks to boot).

St Paddys aftermarth saw the return of Bugalugs, hanging out at mins for ages, and a few things ive now forgotten. Sun Night saw another random shag, and then basically exhausted sleep.

The whole of last week saw me sick, with not much to tell besides a few random shags, a bit of talking to DH overseas and a huge fight with the GF.

This past weekend saw Bugalugs team win by an enormous amount – the other team scored one try, and we scored, well, i stopped counting at about 10ish. too bad, so sad WWs! Then some more shagging, with sat nights random being the best pussy licking ive ever had in my life, followed by a freaking awesome shag. Too tired to speak to DH afterwards. Wonder why? Didnt call him at all, or again Sunday night after yet another shag from Big Man’s shop.

Who said you cant mix business and pleasure? Isnt that what they say to do? Find something you like and are good at and turn it into a business? Maybe I should………oh……. wait a minute…….. they already have an industry for what i like and am good at…….. DOH!

Today, monday, was again a DH free day. Even though they are now only 7hrs behind, not 9 like before (the weekend saw us go back 1hr, and lebanon go forward 1hr – so helpful!)

However it did have a bit of a revelation in that i stuffed up something i did the other night, at midnight, whilst doing 10 other things at once, sick as a dog, and obviously should have just gone to bed and finished it in the morning. I stuffed something up. And tomorrow i have to own up to it and hopefully not get in too much trouble. (and this is a bit of an understatement, this paragraph – but it serves my purpose, being that if i mention it here i will recall the situation, and what i should be doing to ensure it doesnt repeat itself – namely not do so much at one time, and not do things when im nt feeling well, as i particularly dont want my cock ups to affect others)

For further information, or if symptoms persist, please seek medical advice, or simply ask that i elaborate.

However i may choose not to do so. Im moody like that.




oh, and would someone kindly tell my cramping muscles to shut the fuck up and stop waking me in the middle of the night because they are oxygen starved and feel like squishing up so much that it feels like my hands, forearms, feet and calves are going to drop off from pain? please? Thankyou, your such a darl!

oh, and what the fuck is with this headache of mine?

oh and how did we all go with voting on saturday? did we ALL look at that disposable tablecloth we get handed each election and think “so much on offer, and so little to choose from” or was it just my electorate that got all the really shit candidates?

btw, twas my youngest sister’s first foray into the realm of voting……. she wasnt impressed. Cant say i blame her. Bugalugs had the best time of all, taking everyones votes and putting them in the “special bins” as he so aptly called them. (my whole family decended en masse to the local polling booth, as we were all present at the family home – im sure it was impressive – and that the marking-your-names-off-a-book-so-we-think-were-special people were impressed – 6 names in a row to draw a line through! Im sure it was the top story round the water cooler schoolyard bubblers later on)


March 20, 2007

What the fuck is this?

Its oh so quiet…. Its oh so still….

March 20, 2007

Bjork is a fucking crazy psycho bitch. Guess thats why i heart her so.

So that explains the title, but really i meant it to say that much is happening here in the beehive. Im crazy arsed mother fucking busy. I have some huge plans being put into action. Most of which are not ready to be unleashed on the unsuspecting blogsville residents. But fuck me sideways if it isnt going to ruffle some feathers.

My crazy drunk debaucherous nature was set to overdrive on the weekend (St Paddys – day of drinking to excess must have been a clue) which i will blog about just as soon as i get the chance to.

Im currently in a rather large disagreement with my doctors. They seen to think Im sick, and I seem to not want to believe that shit. They seem to be of the opinion that hurting me and giving me vile stuff to eat/drink/inject is a good way to live. I dont. I mean, whats the fun of drugs when you dont get a high? Seriously, thats some fucked up shit right there folks. And me, im having none of it.

So Old Yeller can speak rather good english, as i discovered whilst spending a number of hours on saturday afternoon/evening with him, Mrs Yeller, and Young Yeller. Lovely people, more on that front soon. Right now Im too busy feeling like a retard for things I have assumed, and things I have said in front of Old Yeller, based on erroneous information supplied to me by none other than Dickhead, who as at this moment in time is skating on very very thin ice indeed.

But that thought is making me grumpus again, so ill leave you with this as is for now, with promises of more debauchery, denouncing and drunken stories very soon, and the all important bit of info which is that IM STILL NOT DEAD YET




ummm, maybe i should get that made up into a t-shirt, as i seem to be saying that alot lately




also, notice a few big words creeping back in? oooooh purdy! me talk good and be smart like again.





like that sentence didnt just undo all my doing of good work. your and eeedyot, honey. fact.


March 16, 2007
Well, peoples reactions to the fact that Dickhead has left me alone for 8 weeks has been interesting to say the least.

You’d be surprised what people really think about you.

Including going to a clients of mine, and having a number of them want to give me their numbers. Or take mine. Or both. Or invite me out. Or just offer their “services” if I find myself feeling lonely. And asking how exactly I plan on managing without a man for 8 weeks.

Bloody Lebbos!

Always looking to get their end in.

And all with the line “dont let the Big Man* know”

Which shant be a problem. Because although many of them are more than a little bit perve-worthy (some reach the phwar category), mixing work and pleasure? Even if I DIDNT have Dickhead, it would still NOT HAPPEN. Simply asking for trouble, that!

*Big Man is the boss, and also a very large man – over 6 feet and large build too.