A Return to WTFness

Ok. So.

WTF is with these trends lately? Who the hell wants sunnies that are bigger than your goddamn head? You are NOT a blowfly. Take them off, you look ridiculous.

Why oh why do I continue to do it? I know you are a stunning handbag. I know I just HAVE to have you. Even though you are TOO SMALL TO FIT ALL MY SHIT IN. Each time we meet, I buy you, trying to fool myself into believing that a smaller bag will make me carry less stuff. It doesnt work that way though does it? No. Then I have to go out and buy your big brother or sister. Which just makes me take EVEN MORE shit with me wherever I go, till I get to the point where I want to buy a smaller bag so I will take less stuff. And the cycle begins again. Gucci, you are my nemesis. And really, I mean lets face it, we all know I’ll end up leaving you in the car most times anyway and cram shit in my jeans pockets, and wander around with phones and keys in my hands, coz i dont like carrying handbags. I just like that you look pretty and you are mine. (as you soon will be, yes im talking to you, you cute little tan JAG thing that I saw recently but didnt have time to stop and get, I will have you, you know its just a matter of time)

A while ago I was complaining about the pink shirt on men thing. I dont like it. Unless your olive skinned and have plenty of confidence and charisma, and even then it doesnt always work. Honestly, Ive only ever seen this look carried off by a few arab and mediteranean men. But then, you men had to go and do the popped collar thing. SIGH. You make me want to act like an old woman, run up to you, turn down your collar and berate you for not having dressed yourself properly. Your making me feel old. Stop it. It feels like its only a matter of time before im asking if you have clean undies on, telling you that your pants could do with an iron, and licking my thumb to clean your face. I have repeatedly thanked Dickhead for not succumbing to the “pop your collar” trend. I thought we had suffered through enough mens fashion fuckups for the year, but no. Apparently you had to completely outdo yourself. You had to try and compete with the whole stretched lycra no-my-balls-arent-squished-enough-please-make-it-tighter monstrocity of yesteryear. Thats right. The fashionistas have decided its cool to get droves of boys to sit with a bowl on their heads and let drunken, acid-fuelled blind men come at their hair with whipper-snippers. I mean cmon! (*does layton hewitt hand thingy like a retard*)

And why are we still getting more and more franjipanis on our cars? You look like fuckwits. Complete fuckwits. Is this the new handicapped sign? Is the little blue wheelchair one for people with physical problems, and the franjipanni for those who are just plain stupid? Personally I dont think you deserve a better parking spot for that. Perhaps directions to the nearest cliff would be better? Do us all a favour – FUCK THEM OFF! Oh, and a special note to the girl i was following yesterday – franjipanni seat covers are not tres cool coz they go with the stickers on your car. Its too much, mkay? Way too much. Just like your lip liner. You are not a blow up doll. You do not have a mouth like that. Although I do see how people may get confused, but last time i checked the RTA wasnt handing licences to inflatables. But then, they’ll give those things to anyone nowadays. Perhaps Bugalugs’ bllue dinosaur could be my cheauffer? hmmm, ill have to look into that methinks….

And while were at it (ranting I mean) to the retard who abused me for braking on the freeway  – thats what happens when you ride my ass with out asking. You ignored my polite slowing down to give you the hint. You ignored my flipping the bird to you in the mirror. You got what you asked for. I really thought I was doing you a favour. You guys like to ride us girls asses – arent you always asking us to participate? to buck back? I need a new respray on my rear bar. Bring your insurance details. Im happy to play it that way.

Oh and Mcdonalds? FOR FUCKS SAKE LEARN HOW TO MAKE COFFEE.  I am sooooo hungover this morning and no i cant manage to get out and walk so drive thru it is. And your the only cunt whos anywhere nearby. But this shit you sell – its ridiculous. You cant coulour the water brown and call it coffee. Coffee has a kick. Coffee wakes me up. Coffee makes me stop groaning and mumbling and feeling like someone rode an ostrich over my belly and had a rhino shit in my head. I dont do hungover. Get your fucking act together.

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3 Comments on “A Return to WTFness”

  1. Scorpy Says:

    I HATE the franjipanis thing…A GUY at work has them and I want to smash his back windoe the WUSS!!!!

  2. huniii Says:

    Scorpy
    give him one for me babe… POW! Right in the kisser!

    fucking retard


  3. hey just stumbled across this blog, and i love it – had to comment on the maccas coffee thing, the exact same thing happened to me this morning, it was horrible.


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