Honey Update

So I write this sitting in hospital breathing better air than all of you.

See, I AM more important than you all. I get the good air they keep in reserve for the special people, while you are all forced to breathe the average stuff, plebians that you are.

On thursday night things looked very bleak indeed. Friday saw it get even worse, with doctors not wanting to show off their ‘skillz’ and actually being reserved in their statements.

Time frames were bandied about, and “no guarantees” became the catchphrase of the day.

Things now are looking up a little.

Brace yourselves.

As it stood on Friday, i was looking at a few weeks spent in hospital, and a grisly end to it all.

Now, it seems the weeks extend past Christmas, yet probably not to my birthday. However, a fair chunk of this time should be able to be spent outside these walls. It will hoever, involve masses of time spent inside them, and an awful lot of rest, quite a few sacrifices of pretty blonde virgins to the pagan gods, and ill never win lotto coz all my luck will be used up on this. Which is ok, coz if i won lotto Id never be able to spend it, and it would end up being lft to some cat shelter or summin.

Why am I still blogging?

Because as you can imagine, my head and my heart are full of mess, and blogging has always been my way of clearing the mess, and seeing through all the bullshit to find the clear path that will get me through the latest catastrophy.

There is much i havent written, and this post has been done in 3 parts already, because I tire so damn quickly right now.

So heres the plan. Im going to keep blogging the crap out of my head. I dont have time to waste, and if blogging gets rid of it, blogging ahoy!

I am going to do as the namby-pamby councillor suggested and compile a list of thigs i really want to do/achieve/whatever before its too late. This is NOT coz she suggested it, but because it will help me work out how the fuck i will manage to do it. Any tips on how to skydive with an oxygen tank will be greatly appreciated. Ta muchly.

So for now, its the mundane things like wills etc, and consolidating my financial position to make the transition smoother. I have decided that Bugalugs should continue as normally as possible. I really think stability and routine will be best for us, and Id appreciate any differing opinions to be kept to yourselves. No offence, but Im his mum, I know better than anyone else how to help my son. Which reminds me to interject just here to issue a warning:

ANYONE WHO WANTS TO CONTRADICT MY CHOICES, OPINE ON HOW IM DOING SHIT WRONG, WHATEVER, CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES.

Remember how your mum always said “when you grow up and get your own house/kids/whatever, you can do things how you want, but until then IM THE BOSS”???? Well, im going to say…. “when your dying, you can do shit your own way, but until then SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCHES!”

So for now, its all about me, and all about Bugalugs, and the time I have left will be spent the best I can. Im not saying im going to do a good job of this, i always fuck shit up, but Im not going to stress about it.

I have what time I have.

I will use it the way it gets used.

It will be the best I can do given the circumstances.

And I will be gratefull for what I can.

Anything that goes wrong, or that i miss out on, whatever, its just the way it is, and I will NOT use my time pining over things that ARENT, when I could be having things that ARE instead.

That said, all pining, bitching, moaning etc will be done here, so as not to impinge on my real life, and to get it out of my system ASAP so I can get on with the good shit.

Dont get me wrong, my blog has become part of my real life. Ive met some of you, become friends with some of you, written and spoken with some of you…….. and even those who I havent, every now and then one of you makes a comment, or says something on your own blog that makes a difference to my life. Varying degrees, but you made an impact. Thankyou.

————–

Just for once, Im lifting the ban on mushy stuff. Some people need to say it. If it makes you feel better go ahead. Just preface it with the fact that its mushy. Ill read it when I need a cry. Sometimes a cry IS necessary. Even if it does give you panda eyes.

And for all those who have personal contact with me, I only have my work number available. Please text, not call, and i will call back when I can. I am spending alot of time sleeping, and have alot of calls to answer, and sometimes im not able to speak.

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9 Comments on “Honey Update”

  1. steph Says:

    Oh babe. I’m sitting here with tears pricking my eyes.
    I don’t know what to say.

    You’re amazing.
    That’s about all i can manage right now.

  2. Indiana Says:

    I refuse to do mushy stuff babes, so I say, write that list and then check as many of those things off as you can. Milk every waking moment you have and bitch here where we’ll listen and provide an outlet for you to vent to.

    Thoughts are with you…and there has to be someway you can jump out of a perfectly good airplane…even with an oxygen tank.

  3. SurferCam Says:

    Oh Honey, I have only been a reader for a few months but I am a big fan.
    I hope you are strong, brave and can complete your ‘list’ and then add some others to it.
    If Scuba Diving is on your list, maybe you can jump out of the plane with the scuba gear on, and land in the ocean and go diving! That will solve the oxygen tank issue.
    Hope this cheers you up.
    Be strong Honey.

  4. Scorpy Says:

    I only have one thing to offer/suggest and that is make a video or diary for ‘bugalugs’….I have oft thought of what my Little Ladies (LLs) would think of me later in life or what direction would they take without not truly knowing a few things about me and about them. I lost my Dad when I was very young and know nothing about him. NOTHING!!!
    You are very brave…shit I suck at this. I once sent you a poem and said some mushy stuff …way back, so one of us will have to dig thru the comments archives and locate it. My thoughts are with you xxx

  5. aurelius Says:

    Hun, we talk outside blogs often enough for you to know what I think and what I feel, and vice versa.
    Caerulia and I love you, and I’m richer for being your friend.

  6. huniii Says:

    Steph
    Suck it up girl!

    Indy
    I have a talent for milking things….

    Surfer
    Thx for the compliment. What a brill idea! Me lubs u already.

    Scorpy
    Were both way too lazy for that. But i remember. mwah.

    Aurs
    I know.

  7. mimi Says:

    *sigh* life is so not fair, i am really lost for words. sending you positive vibes…..

  8. huniii Says:

    mimi
    thx darl. next time leave a link so i can suss out who ya are!

  9. audrey Says:

    Dear Huniii,

    I don’t know where you get the strength to deal with this as you are. I’m about your age and my mother has terminal cancer. The thought of losing her makes my stomach drop out and the world spin. I am in awe of your bravery, especially as you have a young child. I don’t even know what to say, except that cancer is the fucking anti-christ.


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