Not Stolen from Russells Blog a.k.a. Recent WTF Moments

Some of these have accompanying photos, but not all, coz you just cant go around snapping pics of everything goddammit! Specially when you live in Bogan Central Western Sydney.

1. Whilst driving down Cantebury Road the afternoon after our defeat last weekend, a shabbily dressed guy casually walked barefoot down the centre of the road oblivious to traffic, all the while shaving with an electric razor. One can only wonder WHY. (and be suitably impressed with his brave lack of footwear in a public location in such an area)

2. This crap photo actually shows a real life bogan’s car. No, that thing in the centre of her rear window is NOT yet another corny bumper sticker, its actually a newspaper headline STICKYTAPED, YES STICKYTAPED to the rear window. It is actually the announcement of Steve Irwin’s death. Lovely. Just whats missing from my car!

Steve Irwin Bogan Car

3.  The 2 dogs who were out sans human yesterday morning and crossed the road at the pedestrian crossing whilst the lights were red for cars. How smart were those flea ridden strays? What kind of neighbourhood is this hospital in? And how often will things like that be happening outside my window? And how long will it entertain me for? (answer tot he last question, about 3 minutes – its very dull here)

4. The fact that, whilst in hospital, should I wish to bugger off for half the day or even a night, thats fine. All I have to do is check with my doctor first, and let the nurses station know where im going & how long for. If you give them your mobile number theyre pretty much fine with anything. All this (and trips to various spots around the grounds) is done under my own steam. But should I need actual medical shit (fancy that – in a hospital of all places!) i must either a) be IN my bed, not just sitting on the side, or b) take a ride in a wheelchair. Once they wanted to wheel me bed and all, but thats just freaking too fucked for me! I have legs goddammit! Im not dead yet!

5. The fact that nowhere, not by plane NOR train can anyone book a ticket to melbourne for the past couple of days until saturday afternoon. Fucking AFL supporters! And do you think that Azzurro can get a cheper ticket from Melbourne to Sydney seeing as the trips back are all but empty? Dont be ridiculous!

6. Bugalugs was with me as we stopped off at a bakery on Tuesday. He stole money out of my car to buy me this biscuit. **stupid picture wont load** Can you yell at your thieving son for stealing money when they do something that sweet? Nup. Can you yell at them when they go back to steal some more to buy themselves one too after the fuss mummy made about it being so damn cool?

7.  The stupid retarded coppers who brokedown on the side of the road, called a tow truck for their Higway Patrol Vehicle, and then had THAT tow truck break down and block traffic. A second tow truck was then called, which loaded the tow truck first, then made room for the other towie and ONLY ONE OF THE COPS in his cabin. The other copper walked off up the street. Time this amused me for? about an hour and a half. People visiting me whose entire visit was conducted by the window for regular stuck-cop-updates? 4. Number of visitors/nurses who looked out and had a laugh? About a dozen.

8. Somebody texted me. I replied. Then they asked me who I was. I told them, and called them an idiot for a) not knowing who i was, b) for not knowing who i was and texting me, and c) for obviously having deleted my number from their fone. He called me back and said he never messaged me, hadnt deleted my number, that the number that appeared on his fone was not one of my phone numbers, and that I was insane. WTF???? I checked – my number showed up right when I sent myself a text, and yep, there was definately the text i thought id received from him in my inbox. So im not going nuts. SO THERE. *Honey blows big rasberry at him*

9. My PDA is full of porn. GAY MENS PORN. It doesnt leave my side unless its turned off (and then i has a password before it will allow access). Noone else can figure out how to use it (except dickhead, and then only to take amatuer porn photos and last time I checked I was still a woman) second brackets (no Imelda, not the last time, this was a whole other episode of arthur hardy photos, but not arthur – there were lots more taken and all were of his big brother!) third brackets (sorry for the TMI. at least im not posting them up here…..yet) fourth brackets (sorry mum, Im not like that, no, really, Im a good girl!)

10. The naieve young guy who chatted me up on the weekend at the beach, surrounded by male friends, with a 5 year old tugging at me saying “muuuuuuuuum” who then 15minutes later asked if I was a virgin saving myself for marriage. Sorry, didnt realise my name was Mary.

11. The person who when I said I was actually rather into Dickhead, and not going to go fucking other men whilst he was observing ramadan, asked me if Id just blow HIM instead, coz then its not cheating, so long as HE didnt touch ME or pleasure ME in any way, it was fine. ummmmm, Dickhead, what do you reckon babe? (I can hear him frowning in incredulance from here)

12.The person who asked if my hospital stay was because I was pregnant to Dickhead. Can you IMAGINE????? A mini dickhead around 24/7? FAAAAARRRRRRKKKKKK!!!!!!! Oh hell no! Thats enough to keep my hands to myself for QUITE A WHILE. Toeyness during ramadan may have just become a non-issue! Who said there was no 100% effective form of contraception?

13. The person who asked me today what I was doing in oncology, because “isnt that for uncles, like?”

14. The person who called out to their devil spawn named Todd Lerone who was running riot (theres sick people here dammit!) about a bazillion times in a very nasal whine, boganly promising to kick him in his arse till it bleeds amoungst other charming threats (including the obligitory “ill frikkn belt ya, I swear”). My girlfriend MIN came in to see me in an unusualy long space between curses, and upon hearing its mother call out again, turned to me and said “that sounds nice”


Min explained that no, she didnt like the name, nor the child. She thought the woman was saying Toblerone, and thought that sounded yummy. I agreed, it did. So we went and got one, advising the receptionist on our way out. And I carried her newborn baby, snuggling and cuddling the whole way there and back. Used my own arms & legs to do it too.

Hooray for post-baby-birthing-uber-crazy-hormoned-blondes and me being allowed to hang out together and converse. We’ll take over the world with our smarts, we will.

Explore posts in the same categories: WTFness

2 Comments on “Not Stolen from Russells Blog a.k.a. Recent WTF Moments”

  1. The thing about bogan cars is that they all have some crazy message written on them. One I saw yesterday was in crappy pink script – ‘I’ve got PMT and ESP so I’m angry and I know what you are thinking’. Great. But it was driven by a young male. Note to self: never borrow the girlfriends car even if life depended on it.

    The Irwin poster must have been a beaut. Reminds me of when Princess Di died

  2. huniii Says:

    Im thinking that as the bogans move out of mount druitt, they head for your little corner of qld. Surely there cant be that many in one country? We must have some sort of exchange program, surely? Prisoner relocation perhaps?

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