Seems to be becomming a habit of mine lately. Ah well.

So bit of a break for me, Ive been tired, but am back again. This trekking my sorry arse down the hospital is getting old fast. No seriously, if I hadve known cancer was this much fun Id have done it years ago.

Bugalugs is feeling the toll too. Hes been acting up at school, and although his teacher is sympathetic and understands the situation (her father died of lung cancer – what a way to make a girl feel optimistic for herself huh), it doesnt solve the problem. I know hes angry at me for not being as much fun as usual, and he just doesnt understand. Im considering taking him for councelling, but I dunno. I havent explained to him about it all yet, he just knows his mum is sick, and that she is going to the doctor alot and that the medicine he gives her makes her tired. I was running late to get him today, and what with being in a hurry, and on the phone, by the time i got up to the office I was having trouble catching my breath. Its just so weird. It makes you realise just how many breaths you take each day when you have to put effort into every one. Its making me so tired Ive been going to bed as soon as Bugalugs drops off to sleep. I dont know whether its the lack of oxygen, the extra pressure im under, the treatment, or just the stress, but im exhausted most the time.

Dickhead & I hung out today and had a few laughs, that was good. He gave me yet another reason to call him dickhead, that caused me to laugh so hard it was ridiculous. I had to stop to catch my breath. Fuck hes a funny bastard. Weve actually seen quite a bit of each other lately, which also may account for my blogging absences. Mind you, the last time I saw him I electrocuted myself, so I guess its not so good to spend that much time together, his dickheadedness seems to be rubbing off on me.

Just quickly, my cousins visit has been delayed. Its a long & complicated story, but he has very good reason to stay back home at the moment. The thing with his fiance has come to a head, and he will want to be there to see it out. I cant blame him, I would too. Im just glad that he wont be personally seeking revenge, not because he doesnt deserve to, or because i think its wrong, because thats not what i think at all. I can completely understand him wanting them to suffer, and suffer tremendously, I just dont want THEIR loved ones to seek revenge on him.

I doubt he will have time for a bit to read my blog, but if he does:

slaap lekker oou maat

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7 Comments on “Apologies”

  1. steph Says:

    one day at a time hun.

  2. SH Says:

    I hear therapy is very good, even for little people. I’ve never had therapy, though, so I’m only going off what I’ve heard.

  3. huniii Says:

    Steph I tried 2 at a time but twas tricky. Will stick to 1 now.

    SH i just dont know what else to try. I want my boy back, not the monster whos in his bed nowadays

  4. You make cancer sound like an ordeal. I’ve had to endure worse Guns n Roses albums than what’s goin on in your chest. For real!

  5. huniii Says:

    SHIT!! OMG, my deepest sympathies. I shall imediately cease my pathetic bitching!
    You poor poor thing *doesnt admit to having gone to their concert at eastern creek*

  6. Imelda Says:

    Hang in there Hon. The counselling is probably a good idea for Bugalugs. Don’t forget that you’re the only parent he’s got, so there is a fair amount of weight on his shoulders at the moment. Sorry I don’t know anyone I can recommend to you, but there must be some sort of helpline number. Take care. xxx

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