Missing

There was a post here about what happened with Dickhead today.

It didnt come out right.

For the first time ever, I have removed a post. It is currently in DRAFTS. I may put it back up, I may not. I may edit it (also a first)

All I CAN say for certain is that things seem to get confused as to what I mean by saying I love him. I say love as in love as a very dear friend. I am also attracted to him. As to how much this makes me IN love with him, even I dont know that. All I do know is that he is very important to me, as I am to him. We are very close. We are attracted to each other. I care alot about him, exactly where the lines are drawn there? I dont know. But I would like to find out. Id like to try it and see where it goes and what happens. Everything I have said that I could see happening, I could. I COULD SEE IT, as in ITS A POSSIBILITY. I never meant thats where I was trying to take it.
What I was trying to do was give it a chance to go wherever it went. I meant that I was not completely closed to the IDEA. Because until I met him and started to feel how I do (however that is) I didnt even want the possibility of even a friendship as close as ours, let alone any sort of relationship.

I was quite happy with my fuckbuddies with no strings attached. Having one who I could call and have a decent conversation with on the fone, who I got along with outside the bedroom was a huge step for me, and one that I only took about the same time as meeting dickhead. And even that concerned me that it was too much.

Dont think I had the wedding planned out. AND AS FOR ME MENTIONING THE POSSIBILITY OF US MOVING IN TOGETHER, i NEVER REALLY CONSIDERED IT. i NEVER REALLY CONSIDERED THE FUTURE BETWEEN US OTHER THAN ESTABLISHING WHERE THE NEW LIMITS WERE OF WHAT I COULD POSSIBLY GET TO.

The answer? Was somewhere in between:

1. I definately could do being good friends and shagging

2. I definately could not do living with him.

3. I definately was not sure like I was before that these boundaries would last forever.

In between those, who knows. Just that I was curious. I hadnt had the chance to think any more about it before there wasnt anything there to think about any more

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