Honey: Superbitch for Hire

So my girlfriend Llama and I went out this morning. You know, coffee, shopping and general tag-along-ing from her part to get outta the house and take a break from her fella whose been stressing her. As you do.

And as of 10 minutes after picking her up, she had gotten 3 soppy txts about him missing her. ewww. Mr Clingy had obviously gotten out of control. Personally, Ive never liked this one, but she did, and its her life, so whatever. But today, more than ever, Honey's spider sense was tingling. It got worse when she showed me the last one, crapping on about how he will miss her, being stuck at home alone & bored till her return after lunch. I suggested she tell him to get unbored by cleaning the house. We both doubted THAT ever happening! LOL

Now every guy who's ever cheated on me has been busted. I have a MAD sixth sense for it. Some have been busted in the "considering it" stage, others in the act. All have said Ive caught them immediately. And im sure i have. Some have been busted and didnt even know it, because if i cant PROVE my suspicions I shut up. The relationship ends anyway because I cant trust them. Whether they WERE cheating or not is immaterial. I felt they were. The end. And today, I just knew it was going on with Mr Clingy. I asked Llama if she had any suspicions etc, as a good friend would. She didnt, but realised I did, and knowing my history thought about it extra hard. Still came to the conclusion that I was wrong. Hey – it COULD happen – so I let it go, and we had a great day.

On the way back from Parramatta, driving down the M4, there was a car pulled over on the shoulder, hazard lights blinking. It was Mr Clingy's car. Vanity plates make things so easy. Being the caring people we are, we pulled in behind to offer assistance. Llama got out and walked up to the car. Stopped. Came running back. Shocked. It was her man alright, with another woman. So preoccupied in some quick oral sex by the side of the freeway they hadnt even noticed us there to help with their "breakdown". She didnt know what to do. She asked me for help. Knowing how Im the reigning 'Queen of Breaking Up Well'.

Long story short, I stopped her from the things she was thinking and assisted. Grabbed her mobile phone, jumped out of the car, approached Mr Clingy and Friend, and snapped a brilliant pic of them without them noticing, and legged it back to the car. Grabbed mine, and snapped off a shot clearly showing my car parked behind his, with an easily recognisable sign in the background behind his car. Proof that we were there. We hastily drove off and took the next exit.

Cue a lovely worded mms from her along with the happy snap, basically telling him he will be cleaning the house in the TRADITIONAL way from now on, by himself, without her. To both his fones. Closely followed by one from me with my location photo, and simply the word BUSTED.

So much funnier and more dignified than a crying mess that a fone call would have resulted in. Good girl even managed to ignore all his txts, calls, and voicemails pleading for leniency.

Make the bastard sweat I say. Maybe his friend can lick it off. My friend certainly wont be.

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7 Comments on “Honey: Superbitch for Hire”


  1. A gobby in Parramatta? How uncouth! He’s not the sharpest tool in the box is he, this one… Surely you don’t put the hazard lights to denote ‘fucking about to commence everyone – stay away from the car’. Got wot he deserved.

  2. Steph Says:

    What a douche.

  3. LiSh Says:

    Vanity plates…. look what happens when all you think is ‘look at me look at me look at me’

  4. Janina Says:

    sounds like a cry for help.

  5. huniii Says:

    Russ
    He sure did. Filthy prick.

    Steph
    Concise. Succinct. Spot on. My thoughts exactly

    Lish
    I have vanities – wot u sayn????

    Janina
    Hes crying now. Llama got her brother round to help her move out yesterday afternoon.

  6. LiSh Says:

    Guess I’m saying don’t go having oral sex on the side of the freeway, coz ya might just get sprung!!

  7. Honey Says:

    LOL lish – if i did have oral sex on the side of the freeway, it wouldnt be behind my partners back, so anyone who sprung me wouldnt matter


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