Not So Short

That last post seems to have been misunderstood more than once. So some clarification is in order.

Firstly, Im not ready to explain D-Day. However, it has been extended 24hrs due to circumstances beyond my control.

Secondly, it wasnt about Dickhead. 

Now, what hurt?

One of my boys, Lexus, has gone through a fair bit lately. He is also one of the ones that for various reasons, I had removed from my life. Not entirely, because they all mean too much to me, but I had severely curtailed his (and others) involvement. And to facilitate this, I had temporarily imposed a ban on contact. To give us some space and time to deal, and to sort out what the boundaries to our new type of relationship would be.

Earlier in the week, his woman, who he had been having serious issues with, walked. Basically did the exact thing I had done. He didnt take it well.

Unbenown to me, he had sorted things out during the past week or so, and made a decision. To move. For good. And when I say move, I mean back home. To Greece.

I got wind of this less than 30 minutes before he flew out. Last night, he left. And didnt say goodbye. He wouldnt take my calls. He wouldnt answer my texts. It hurt. He was at the airport, being farewelled by my other boys, and a few other members of what was my inner circle. And I wasnt there. Had it not been for the guilty concience of Mr B, who decided it was wrong not to tell me, and secretly called, I wouldnt have known till god knows when.

I admit it. It hurt. It tore me apart. That someone I loved so deeply, and who cared for me as he did, could leave, forever, and not say goodbye, or give me the chance to either. Let me tell you, I was pitifull. I sat here at home, texting and calling, tears streaming down my face, so much so that at times I couldnt see to text. I cried my heart out. I begged. And begged. And begged.

It didnt do any good.

I dont understand it.

It still hurts.

You know what, screw the nicknames.

Lexi, Im sure you'll read this. Im sorry. I still love you. I didnt mean to hurt you, and I know I did. You know I had no choice. Things are how they are, and I cant change them, and either can you. If I didnt do what I did, more than just you and I would have suffered. I miss you. I hate that you are gone. I'll always have a place in my heart for you. Please dont let it be forever.

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Explore posts in the same categories: The First 199

One Comment on “Not So Short”


  1. That’s a crap situation to be in. For all parties involved.

    It’s one of those incidents that you’ll look back with regret but on the whole will make you a better person. You may not know how yet, but it will…


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