Todays Title: Friday Fucktardary (or) A Wedding for Honey?

Recently there have been issues I havent been writing. I want to write them, but I want to be sure in my own head that they havent been influenced by anything, and are completely me.

Theres alot going on. Alot is changing. Alot is going to change. Not all of it for the better.

A few things have gone fairly well. Others have just fucked up beyond explination.

Example. Today, someone said something that shouldnt have had the result it did. A simple thing, that should and could have been good for all parties involved, nothing special, just stepping the relationship we have up a level. But a little comment, phrased just so, turned into something that meant that wont happen. That I no longer have the desire to have such a relationship with them. That the current level is enough. Stepping it up a level just isnt something I want to do anymore. Its such a shame. I was actually looking forward to it changing. But she isnt who I thought she was, or else Im not who she thought I was. Either way, I got offended, and after culling so many people who I truley loved from my life because they didnt give me the respect I feel entitled to, Im sure as shit not going to take crap from people I dont.

Theres a few contencious family issues being contested right now. I really need to get my head and my heart to agree on whats the best course of action to take there. Because I will have to live with the outcome for a LONG time to come, and not just me, but people I love.

Bugalugs has an issue at the moment that needs attention. Ive exhausted every avenue I can think of, to no avail. But Im his mum, its my job to sort it out. Im just going to HAVE to find another option. Theres really no choice. There MUST be something. And its something I have to do myself.

As for Dickhead, well, things there have certainly been interesting. Hes been up here twice this week, and weve been out twice as well. And theres a possibility of another get together tomorrow. And a suggestion that things may change once a particular project at work is completed, sometime next weekish. so how weird is that? Not as weird as this: so far, in the past week alone, i have had 11 people inquire as to when Dickhead and I will be getting married. So, for the benefit of all, let me answer this here.

Ive been asked this before. And Ive always laughed it off. Ive just never even thought about it. I dont plan to get married, not after what happened the last time. No, I wasnt married, I escaped, injured but not lost. Ive always thought it highly amusing to be asked that. After all, Dickhead and I met, both under the impression of this being a one-night bit of fun sorta thing. For whatever reason, we became good friends. Very good friends, quite close.We're a big part of each others lives, yes. Are we hot for each other? yeah. Are we seeing other people? no. Have we thought of what happens beyond that point? no.  Do we act like an old married couple? sometimes, yeah. but most really good friends do that to some degree.

Back to the point. One of those 11 times, I got told not to just laugh it off, but to answer the asker, that he was serious. And for the first time, I thought about it for a second. And it INSTANTLY stopped my fits of laughter. It honest to god scared me. I didnt explain it completely to Dickhead when I told him, so I wont here either. But basically, marriage isnt somewhere I can see myself going. Im certainly not ready for it at the moment. For ALOT of reasons. And Dickhead for a husband? It made me physically feel sick. I was scared. The thought frightened me. I dont think that would work. Hes a great guy, dont get me wrong, of course he is or why would he have me?

Now dont think Im being a bitch for writing this. I spoke to him about it. He laughed at first when I said Id been asked by a particular person when we were getting married. Then I told him, ok, now stop for a second and actually think about us being married. He stopped laughing. His face changed. "No." was all he said. Then another second passed. "Not going to happen" he added. "oh hell no" was the next and final comment.

Most girls at this point would run off in tears. Not me. I was RELIEVED. Then I thought about the fact that most girls wouldnt like it if their thing said that sorta thing. I wondered if i should be upset, and if i was. Nope. Not a single pang. Nuttn. Just relief, and calmness, and feeling comfortable. We both had a good belly laugh at the idea of it, and moved on to less terrifying topics of conversation, and ordered another coffee. I honestly dont think he felt any pangs either.

To clear things up, once and for all, Im spelling it out. I cant really speak for him, but im going to, based on what hes told me, and what i know of him. I think he is pretty much in line with me on these thoughts, and i sincerely hope im right.

We are really great friends. We rely on each other alot. Value each others opinions. Seek each others advice. Miss each other when their not around. We enjoy each others company. Trust and respect each other. Are attracted to each other. Have fun together. Enjoy each other. Get alot out of our relationship with each other. Know how we feel about each other. Arent seeing other people. Dont really conform to a standard set of "rules", and dont really want to. We just are what we are. There isnt a label to put on it.

No, I havent called him my boyfriend on here. I havent off here either. Hes just Dickhead. I doubt hes ever called me his girlfriend either. Am I? Is he? I dont know. I dont know what we are. I dont really care for titles. When people have pressed me for an answer, well, ive replied honestly. He's my THING. I dunno. Hes him. Im me. We're us. Im not really bothered with having "that talk" or establishing the correct label. I dont think he is either.

To illustrate, we arent seeing other people. This talk wasnt normal either. This basically came about because i was interested in him, and he in me. We both seperately felt the way we did about each other, and to be faithful to ourselves, didnt feel that fucking other people was the right thing for us to do. We both know the other person felt this way. We spole about how we would feel if the other person did certain things, and knew where the limits were. I never forbade him, he never forbade me. Its not "a rule". We feel the same. That if one of us fucked someone else, that the other wouldnt like it. So we dont. Because it wouldnt feel right to ourselves, and would upset the other. He can fuck who he wants, as can I. We both just know what the repercussions would be, and decide on that basis. So far, I'm yet to meet someone who a "roll in the hay" would be worth making Dickhead feel bad. And I guess he hasnt met angelina jolie, because he hasnt sacrificed my feelings either.

Are we solid friends? ABSOLUTELY. Are we a couple? sorta maybe. Are we planning to get married/engaged/move in together/have children? FUCK NO!!!!!

Anyway, a wedding would be too weird. How would you gel the cultures? the religions? our families? our friends? our finances? our homes? our lives?

And can you really picture him in a suit?

Havent died laughing yet? then this will get ya…..

What about me wearing white?

A dress?

Letting my father "give me away"?

Vowing to OBEY?????????????????

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