99 Problems

Theres this song, that I just had playing, called 99 Problems. The line goes “I’ve got 99 problems, but a bitch aint one”

DH admitted to me (this is not verbatum, but anyway) that he does not think i am a bitch. It was such a sweet (if a trifle misguided) that I decided to do this post, especially because, as a fellow blogger mentioned, this week has been SHITHOUSE for me, and i could do with a positive post. Why DH as the subject matter?. Because, and this is for many reasons, some of which no-one, not even he himself knows, i have come to a conclusion.

Now, for those of you playing at home, both of us have rather high opinions of ourselves (no, really?), opinions which are wholly justified, of course. We also (look out! personal, intimate details following – no, not the naughty kind, sorry) have a private joke going about being legends, and who has legendary status, and which one of us should bow down before the other, based on our superiority and legendaryness. It sounds naff, I know. It is naff, actually, but anyway, what “in” joke isnt? Our respective status’ with each other changes almost daily, depending on just how fabulous we are to each other. Usually he knows when mine is about to outstrip his, because it begins with him answering the fone saying hello, and me countering with “baaaaaabe…..how much do you love me?” at which point he knows I have done something extra legendary. As opposed to me just being me which is legendary in itself, i know.

So. Being inspired by the fact that he has alot of things going on right now, and is dealing with alot, as am i, as well as the fact that he doesnt think im a bitch, or awful, and i think the same of him, and also inspired by the song (being that a bitch aint one, not the problems bit, this is a positive post remember) here we go.

99 Reasons why Im in cahoots with Dickhead.

1. He isnt just A dickhead, he is THE dickhead.
2. He isnt just THE dickhead, he is MY dickhead.
3. Despite other peoples perceptions, he actually doesnt mind being referred to here as DH.
4. He prefers being called DH to amasele.
5. He knows what amasele means
6. He is man enough to admit to having his “thing” call him DH on her blog.
7. He isnt worried about people all over the world knowing his “thing” calls him DH.
8. When he discovered I had referred to him as my “thing” he wasnt worried. Or overly surprised.
9. He wasnt worried when I referred to him as my “thing” in a business setting.
10. He wont be embaressed by you all saying “awwww” in that cutesy voice at this post.
11. He is man enough to not flinch when I said I was thinking of buying him a pink phone. Or when I said he was the kind of man who could use a pink phone. AND he would have too if I was that much of a bitch. (which I am, but shhhh he doesnt quite know that yet)
12. He puts up with my dickheadery.
13. He doesnt put up with my dickheadery.
14. He’s “a bit ‘o alright”
15. Certain things about him are more than
16. He values my opinions
17. He listens to my ideas
18. He will conceed to me being smarter than him on issues where I am
19. He can debate properly
20. He respects my opinions, whether they are in line with his, or opposing
21. He considers my opposing views
22. He proves the past few numbers by adjusting his views when I make a point that is clearly correct
23. He challenges my views when he believes them to be wrong
24. He ensures that I have proper reasoning behind my opinions
25. He corrects me if I am labouring under false apprehensions
26. He allows me to do the same
27. He does not pretend he knows things he doesnt just to not appear silly. (eg he will ask what big words mean if he doesnt know them. I find this an EXCELLENT attribute, to be honest, confident and smart enough to admit a gap in your knowledge, and let someone build on it)
30. He never makes me feel stupid or lax for asking him to do the same
31. He is proud
32. He is strong
33. He is confident
34. He is determined
35. He is smart
36. He is self aware
37. He is flexible (not like that you filthy buggers)
38. He is compassionate
39. He is funny
40. He is not arrogant (close, but just scrapes in)
41. He is considerate
42. He is respectful of others, until they prove themselves unworthy.
43. He is fair.
44. He can, and will, conceed defeat.
He does so graciously (for a man)
45. He is open minded
46. He is non judgemental
47. He takes everyone for who they are
48. He sees things as they are, not as he wants them to be.
49. He is not afraid to call a spade a spade. To its face.
50. He is himself 100% of the time. He will never say something behind your back that he would not say to your face.
51. He does not suffer in silence. (personally i like this. I dont like people who hold things in, and then assign you blame later when you can no longer amend the situation.)
52. If he has an issue, he raises it.
53. he is not a procrastinator
54. He has goals
55. He ACTIVELY works at achieving those goals
56. He does not expect more than his due
57. He is not afraid to ask for things.
58. He does not get offended if he is told no when he asks for things
59. He can take control
60. He can relinquish control
61. He has an ENOURMOUS amount of faith and trust in me.
62. That last one counts as at least three i reckon
63. see above
64. He has given me reason to have trust and faith in him
65. Number 64 EASILY counts for about ten, but as this list could extend past 99, in the interest of bloggers eyestrain, i will count properly again to ensure it doesnt go past 99.
66. He doesnt need props
67. He doesnt say things without meaning them
68. He is always honest
69. He is always well presented
70. He smells devine
71. He smells as good as me, and even once, better (sorry Russell but its true. I was trying out a new perfume, and the same day he wore my favourite one i bought him)
72. He lets me buy him personal things like cologne
73. He actually took me shopping. Twice. To help him buy clothes.
74. When I did the “proper” thing and didnt chose his clothes, but simply vetoed his final choices, he complained and asked me to “do more next time”
75. He asked me to help him buy shoes. sigh. Steph YOU get me on this one, right?
76. He knows I have great taste.
77. After meeting me the first time, he remembered what colour my eyes were. (and this after getting a wee bit….ehem…you know, nekkid-ish lol) (and shut up about meeting for the first time and nekkidness in the same sentence)
78. He accepts my freaky african shit.
79. He doesnt interrupt my long winded explinations of things. usually.
80. For months and months and months, he has called me EVERY NIGHT right before bed to wish me sweet dreams.
81. He calls me when he finishes work, and talks to me the whole way home.
82. He askes me about my day. AND ACTUALLY LISTENS TO MY ANSWER
83. He actively participates in conversations about my day
84. He listens and remembers my crapping on about my friends
85. He remembers friends of mine he’s never met as if they were a part of his friend circle. (no circle jerking here. just to clarify, thankyou)
86. And a few things he did just once….. He told me out of the blue that he missed me after not seeing much of me for a while
87. He forced me to tell him something that I had to tell him, but couldnt do on my own
88. He helped me make one of the hardest decisions I ever had when no-one else could, and made sure it was the right one for ME
89. He defended my honour to a friend of mine who was disloyal to me behind my back.
90. He took my word as gospel, when many things could have been interpreted as casting dispersions on my integrity
91. Back to more than once things…… he has kept my confidence
92. He has done things that are too important to me to share
93. He ingratiated himself immediately to an astonishing level, and has continued to better it as time marches on.
94. And a few things he does all the time that continue to rock my world….. he offers to help me with anything he possibly can
95. He gives me advice thats to MY best interest, regardless of how it affects him
96. He values me as a friend, above all else
97. He tells me how he feels about me.
98. He always, always has my back.
and
99. He could fill many more points on this list without too much thought on my part

He doesnt always read my blog. He knows its here. He’s read bits. He’s never questioned me on it. He understands that reading this is looking into my inner thoughts and feelings, and all the ramifications that has. He knows that what i post here is how i feel and think AT THAT MOMENT, and that literally 1 second after posting, i may completely change my mind (im female after all, its what we do when we arent shopping). He affords me my privacy where and when it should be afforded, and seeks the truth where he should know it. He is in the same category as “my boys”, yet also isnt. He is truly one of a kind, just as he says he is, he is unique.

And so, oh dickhead of mine, just this once (and in public too…..WORLDWIDE public for fucks sake), as a once of event:

I bow down to you, you immortal legend of legends.

Because I dont see how you can get a better accolade than that.

ps – he does have his downsides. the most pertinent one at the moment is that his shit wont coincide with my shit. so i havent seen much of him at all lately. which is definately not good, but thats another story, kiddies, and its past your bedtime, so go brush your teeth and go to the loo. dont want any night-time accidents (and for the few of you who are thinking what i know your thinking, THOSE night time accidents wouldnt be so frequent if you kept your hands ABOVE the doona, mkay?)

pps – i know, i know, ive done it now, havent i people. but i have at least a 50/50 chance of getting away with it. I know him well. REALLY WELL. If he sees how long this is, he will skip it. However, If he sees he is the subject, you can guarantee he will read EVERY WORD, salivating over how many times he can bring it up to tease me with. sigh. well, just this once, he deserves it. Never let it be said i dont take my due.

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4 Comments on “99 Problems”

  1. Steph Says:

    Holy fuck! If i had a man worth writing a list as long as 99 things, I’d marry the bastard.

    If you already have, kudos to you. If not, get to steppin’.

  2. huniii Says:

    LOL Steph! Thres actually a joke about him “having 4 wives” as he is “allowed” when we met. I told him he’d divorce them all for me. He laughed.
    Now im laughing, because he did.
    (he wasnt actually married, people, it was A JOKE)
    But even though the joke is that were an old married couple, I have far better things to spend money on than a fucking wedding!
    Like shoes!
    And perfume!
    And the thought of marrying him is frightening. LOL
    Im sure he would think the same about marrying me.


  3. Man smell better than woman! Not possible. I’ll take your word for it…you must have had a headful of Panadol or summin…

    37. So, are you saying that he’s not flexible like that!!

    49. I’ve been to Bunnings and can testify that spades can’t fight back. Fact!

    Also, there’s only 98 points. That last one is filler.

    As Steph inferred, if he’s got more than 3 good points he may well be a keeper.

  4. huniii Says:

    twas NOT only filler, dear russ.
    and anyway, there was 1 in the 40’s that didnt have a number, so its still 99.
    I would keep going, but didnt want to be any more mushy or annoying.
    And he smells gawjus, russ. although I do both buy him his cologne, and make suggestions (which he wisely follows) and also veto his choices. (to a point)
    Mind you, all credit taking aside, he does this fantasticaly well on his own.


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