I cant do it. I cant express the thoughts tearing through my head. i cant get them out on paper. I cant get them out on screen. i cant get them out of my mouth, let alone into someone elses ear, and i cant even get them right in my own head.

Im sick of being superwoman. I cant do it. I hate asking for help, and whats worse is that I have been doing that and i have been ignored.

This new medication is awful. Its like being pregnant. I feel nauseous from 11am to 2.30 pm, I get a shocking temperature every day at about 1pm. I get horrid cramps in my stomach. And my mind is FUCKED.

I dont know whether its the meds (probably) but i feel awful and i think awful. And that came out wrong. Im so fucking emotional. I feel so desperate. I feel so confused. Everything feels so intense compared to how it should be. I know Ive over reacted on a few things. I cant help it. Its like shocking PMS, but worse, and less controllable. I feel like a different person. I know i act like one. And I dont know what to do about it. I hate feeling like this. I want it to stop. Desperately. But at the same time, I cant work out how much is the meds, and much is real. I know Im at my limit on some stuff. Is that because of the meds or is that because i should be?

How do i fugure this out when just the thought of thinking about it makes me want to either cry or just give up?

who is this girl who wants to cry and wants to quit? thats not me. why am i complaining so much? why am i questioning myself? and most of all, why cant i find the answer?

and why, when i keep suggesting things to fix another problem i have, are they always not possible? why is there always an excuse? why arent there suggestions from their side? why isnt it as bad for them? AND WHY THE HELL ARE THEIR THINGS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MINE?

I have a million balls in the air that i somehow manage to juggle, so why cant you handle your 3?
I have those three, and then some.

its such a small thing im asking for, so why cant i have it?

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