Fucking Renters

So after the copious amounts of partying that followed the eviction of the dumb-arsed 18 year olds next door, my beutiful peace was again disrupted by the arrival of new neighbours a couple a weekends ago.

“At least their old” I thought to myself whilst peering through my bedroom window as the removalists truck so rudely interrupted my first lie-in in over 2 months. (by lie-in i dont mean sleep-in, i simply mean i managed to stay under the covers past 4.30am)

Well, old isnt really the word. they’d be in their 40’s i reckon, and closer to my end than the other, but after 18yr old hooligans, i guess they qualify as old. Personally I was just excited to know I wouldnt have to put up with repeated daily 12-3am shenannigans!

So imagine my dismay at my new love for said neighbours being so shattered when I emerged one morning, reversing my car from my garage, to be greeted with nowhere to go. Thats right peeps, aparently old age makes you blind, or senile, or just gives you the delusion that it is acceptable to park in the following areas (all at once, not one or the other, because you have so many freakn $200 cars, which you need so many because only 1 works at a time, if your lucky)
1. Across my driveway. Because the rest of the kurb is full, and hey, its not like anyone might want to get off their property, now is it?
2. On my council strip. Because hey, it technically belongs to the council, regardless of any time you may have spent trying to get the grass to grow during water restrictions, hand watering the fuckers till they established
3. On my front lawn. Because hey, we didnt give a shit about the grass on the council strip, so why should this grass be any different, and its not like you really wanted to use your own land, and it joins up with ours…..its on our side of your driveway
4. IN MY DRIVEWAY. Ok, Ok, this was a seperate day, but they were only 3 days apart. And their excuse was that after my polite rantings to get the fuck off my grass vis a vis your ruining it, they were considerate of my requests, it wasnt grass this time, see, we used the concrete! And we were only borrowing it!

Sigh

And then, to make matters worse, their front garden was filled last week. Not with tasteful plants, mind you, but concrete figures. Thers the obligatory white swan, as well as a lizard, a wombat, a cat, a dragon, a few gnomes, and my all time favourite, a bright, multi-coloured caterpillar standing up grinning like a maniac. (can caterpillars STAND?)

Now i was going to impress you all with a photo, but I just havent had the courage to test the crackability of the lens, so you’ll have to be patient.

I will leave you with this though, Foof arrived with her kids to visit the day they moved in. They introduced themselves to her in the driveway, just to, and I quote “make sure she didnt think they were breaking in”. what the? because the neighbours wouldnt have known that the house was a) a rental and b) empty for last coupla weeks, and we arent smart enough to see your MOVING IN, NOT TAKING SHIT OUT. sigh. So Foof said she was actually just visiting me, but that she was sure I wouldnt have thought that (because Foof knows i have more than 2 brain cells to rub together)

Do you think that they introduced themselves to me? nup. I just get their cars on my property, but no introduction!

POST SCRIPT
Went out this morning, and we now have MORE ugly garden statues AND a large assortment of ugly (and empty wtf?) pots. Plus a bird bath. Which i told them wasnt a good idea, andd she said “but what about the poor birds? Its a drought, you know!”
sigh
yes dear, i know.
BUT
the birds take care of themselves, drinking and bathing at the river less than 2kms from here, plus all the creeks that run off it.
the frogs manage too, which you will learn when it rains and there are hundreds squashed on the street
the bird bath provides a source of water to attract the mice that live in the bush we back onto, as if the avery 2 doors down isnt enough to attract them with seed.
mice, besides being ewwwwwy, attract the snakes, which we already get passing through regularly (interject to offer local snake ladies number, who knows us all well, just tell her your the new tenants in the Henley’s old place)
The snakes like to live under my retaining wall.
they like to shed their skin by using the decorative gravel your back yard is covered in as a sort of day-spa for snakes
and the local brown snake population was all but wiped out last year from the new development in the next suburb, meaning most snakes we get now are red bellied blacks.

hmmmmm. i see your concern, good, yet also your bewilderment. ahhhh, you dont know why the difference is important. let me help!

for those playing at home, as well as my poor, dumb arsed neighbours, browns are passive. they get scared easy. they run away and hide when faced with dogs or stomping humans. Blacks dont. their fiesty pricks, like me. theysee a dog or a human and say “get fucked, i was here first!” and they attack.

their grumpy

personally, i dont really want ay more grumpy snakes in my yard where i wanna hang out washing or entertain, or have a bbq, or have my son and his friends play.

Bird bath was tipped out as i walked back inside.

Funny that.

Advertisements
Explore posts in the same categories: The First 199

2 Comments on “Fucking Renters”

  1. Suburban Hen Says:

    Brown snake killed my dog once. Just so you don’t get too comfy should they reappear…

  2. huniii Says:

    Thx Hen, trust me, Im NOT comfy around snakes!
    My dog’s been bitten more than once, and killed a few in his time. Theres so many deadly critters round here, you kinda get used to it, and develop preferences…..
    I prefer the browns, in general their quieter, but any animal will go you if you shit it enough!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: