in addition

DH, in response to the reason for yesterdays post, spoke his mind. Told me what he thought, how he felt, where he stood. Vented. And then hung up.

I was left with nothing.

I listened to both him and the other side say their piece. I sat there, piggy in the middle. I, who had done NOTHING, not participated ONE IOTA in this event, had had it thrust upon me to deal with (because it affects me, possible more than any of them, actually make that probably) and was promptly denied any assistance in dealing with it. I heard DHs side. I heard the other side. And then both felt better and left.

Now I had things I wanted to say. Things I wanted to be heard. Questions I wanted answered in order to deal with what they had put on me to deal with. I needed to make sense of the situation in my own head, and needed to decide for myself where I stood on the issue.

Instead, I was shunned by the other side for daring to voice my distaste for their trechary (for that IS what it was) and DH decided not to “call me back shortly” and instead leave it until that evening after i texted him asking if i was being ignored now. Aparently he did this because he knew what I was thinking, and what I was going to say.

HE DIDNT

When i finally got the chance to say it, he actually apologised. Admitted he didnt know that was what i was thinking. He didnt know what I was feeling. He didnt know how I saw the situation. And he shouldnt have punished me for something that he simply assumed I would do.

Do not punish me until I actually fuck up, ok people? Im happy to accept full blame, responsibility and punishment for any wrongful acts that I commit. However, I need to have commited them first, right?

How many times do people get STUNNED by the way I look at things? How many times do i do things SO unexpected that even my oldest, nearest and dearest can hardly believe I did it? So how can you be so sure as to KNOW what I will say/do/think before i say/do/think it?

YOU CANT

So please, stop thinking you can. Stop punishing me for what others have done. Stop punishing me for things you are guessing I might do. Wait until IVE done it. Then go balls out. Until then, leave me alone.

**AMMENDMENT**
Usually I like to keep this blog vague. My vagueness sometimes irks people. It sometimes drives people to sob uncontrollably at their screen, wondering why oh why do they bother trying to understand what I mean. As a trial, I have chosen this post to break my rule of vagueness. Below is actual details of my life. Actual explinations for my hissy fits. Just dont say you werent warned.

DH has an online dating profile. So do I. (dont even start me on that one)

My friends, thoughtful as they are, have created dummy profiles on the same site they know him to frequent. They have searched him out. They have laid a “trap” to gather evidence of his unfaithfulness and backstabbingness and disrespect to me. They have tried to prove he is contacting women, meeting with them, and fucking them behind my back. They have tried to prove he is pond scum.

They have proven that he responds when women contact him. They have proven that he chats online to said women. They have proven that he enjoys the idea that women may just be attracted to him. They have proven that he knows other women would be interested in him. None of this is news to me. What, you think I would hook up with an unworthy speciman of manhood? HAHAHA I think not.

They have not proven that he is unfaithful. He never tried to organise to meet them.
They have not proven that he is backstabbing me. All the things he has done on there he has done with my knowledge and acceptance.
They have not proven that he disrespects me. If I had an issue with his behaviour, he would either cease, or if it was something he believed strongly enough in, he would say so and let me decide if i was willing to participate or walk away.
He is not pond scum. I do not associate with pond scum.

They have proven something though, beyond behaving at a level of childishness I previously would never have expected. They have proven that they are not the people I thought they were. They have proven that THEY disrespect me. They have proven that they have such a low opinion of me as to think i cannot make judgements about the way I live my life and the people i chose to include in it. It is their own proof therefore that forces me to re-evaluate their standing with me.

Words cannot express my disappointment in almost every facet of this situation. In fact, the only person who has NOT disappointed me in this instance is SSB. Thats not a good thing. It simply means he acted as abominably as i expected, and not any worse.

So today, as well as yesterday, I say to all of you – GET FUCKED. LEAVE ME ALONE.

For I do not wish to speak with anyone who so blatently does not extend to me the same courtesies I extend to them. Its give and take people. And that saying applies to each person doing both giving and taking. Not one person doing each.

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