Some of my friends need a lesson or two in friendship. Im about to give it to them. Right here, right now.
Different people have different ideas on what friends are and how they should act. Thats fine. But if you want to be MY friend, then you will need to subscribe to what MY idea of a friend is. You dont like it? You dont want to live by it? Then FUCK OFF. Because if thats how you feel, friendship between us will never work out. Better to know now and stop wasting everybodys time.
Im talking about real world friends here. Cyberpals are different. If that isnt obvious to you already, you need more help than I do, and thats saying something.

Recently friends of mine, very close ones too, have been displaying APPALLING friendship skills. Friends have NO RIGHT to do ANY of the following:

  • Hack into my msn and pretend to be me and have conversations with people under this pretext
  • message or phone any of my other friends to discuss me (except in life threatening cases, or else a REALLY KICK ARSE birthday surprise)
  • comment on my finances
  • act on my behalf to do things they feel I should do, but I have chosen not to
  • try and trap people into behaving in manners unacceptable to me to “prove” their opinion that said person is not good enough/disrespecting me/treating me badly/not someone they approve of

However, Im not an idiot. I believe friends have the right to interfere in each others lives TO AN EXTENT. Failure of a friend to interfere to a reasonable and acceptable degree in my life when they feel the need to do so is also a sackable offence . Examples of ACCEPTABLE levels of interference include:

  • saying what you think if im making a mistake
  • informing me of things I may not see but you can by being one step removed
  • telling me when my insanity has reached uncomprehendable levels
  • asking me if im sure
  • telling me you dont agree
  • telling me you cant accept what im doing, yet will respect my choice
  • give me help when you know I need it but refuse to ask (under the condition that if I demand you stop helping, you do so)
  • silently watching me fuck up even though you warned me about that exact thing happening (you are allowed “I told you so” expressions. I am allowed to not like these expressions.)

Notice all these ALLOWED items consist of SAYING THINGS.

Notice NOT ALLOWED items consist of DOING THINGS.


Now to get more specific.

You do not know how to live my life better than I do. You may think you do, but that would be your own life you are thinking of.

You may think I am weak for not “standing up for myself” and doing something you think I should do. In fact, I am strong for NOT doing what you think I should, because I dont think I should do it.

You may think I am wrong. I am right, for myself.

You may think what Im doing isnt worth it. Obviously its worth it to me if Im doing it.

You may think I have misplaced trust. My trust is mine to place, and I know exactly where it is, therefore it is not lost.

You may think some people are no good for me. Guess what. They think that of you.

Do not presume to know what I am thinking. Im insane, as you have told me numerous times during our friendship.

DO NOT tell me what I meant when I said something. I said it – I know what I meant. You just guessed.

DO NOT tell me what I felt. I felt it. I know what it was. You just guessed.

DO NOT blame me for things others do. I may apologise for it, but apologising does not automatically mean I assume guilt. If I said I was sorry, all I meant was that I was sorry. I was sorry the tsunami happened. Does that mean I caused it?

You may give me advice. This does not mean I must follow it. I will listen to it. I will consider it. Then I will do as I choose. I may do as you suggested. I may not. I may change my plan SLIGHTLY to accommodate a point you made without following your complete suggestion. This is MY choice.

I may do things you think are wrong. Thats my problem.

I may wish to whinge to you about it afterwards. This is your problem.

I will respect that your ideas on what friends are may be different from mine. If they mesh, the friendship will last. If they dont, we wont.

I look at things differently. This is how I am. Accept it or move on.

I will not change because you think I should. Only because I do.

Do not tar me with the same brush as those I associate with. My friendship with you has boundaries. Those boundaries are different to every other friend I have. Things I accept in you I do not accept in others. I take each person as they come. The same behaviour in one person is acceptable where in another it would not be. This is because I understand THEIR reasoning.

Reasoning is everything.

I will ALWAYS, NO MATTER WHAT, DO MY UTMOST to be the best friend to you that I can whilst staying true to myself. I expect the same from you. If I feel you have not, believe me you WILL hear about it.

The reason for this post was PIAs actions this morning. TOFs actions for the past few months, and to a lesser extent, THE BOYS behaviour as well, all in relation to DH.
You do not KNOW him. You do not KNOW our relationship. Same as he does not KNOW ours. DO NOT presume to know what you have no way of knowing. DO NOT act on that and manipulate things to suit your agenda. My agenda is not yours. My agenda with him may just surprise you all, including him. It is NOT what you all seem to think. It is not what I think he thinks.

I know what I am doing. Im at peace with it. Let me be.

Look at it this way, if you are right, there will be bad blood between he and I. If you involve yourself, you will get some on you. You do not want bad blood between us. So stay out of it.
If you truly are concerned, stock up on tissues, chocolate, moisturiser, bath stuff and alcohol. If you are right, I’ll be at your place needing them. If you are wrong, well…..tell me you have them and ill be round to share.

I love you all dearly. But your fucking shitting me like you wouldnt believe. And your showing me that you are someone I didnt think you were. And I dont want to be friends with that person. I want to be friends with the person I knew. I want it to be you, but if that isnt who you are, leave.

Theres really nothing more I can say than that.

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One Comment on “FRIENDS”

  1. Steph Says:

    Holy snapping duck shit! I’m gonna print that out and give it to some of my “friends”. Well said. 🙂

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