Saw it coming

i hate it when you can see something coming

at the moment this particular thing is so fucking obvious i cant stand it

i knew this would happen. i just really didnt want it to. i saw it coming, and defiantly went ahead and got involved in it anyway, foolishly hoping that the extent of my desire for it to turn out well would somehow overturn the inevitability of it sucking BIG TIME.

HA.

so now im stuck in a horrid spot. not only do i still have the desire for it to work out, but now i have all this time and effort that i have put in that i really dont want to have been wasted (perhaps not the right word, im still glad i did it, it was important to me, and still is). Yet i can still see whats coming, and i know its not going to happen. but still i cant give up. im still hoping, still doggedly determined to not let the inevitable eventuate. half of me wants to cut my losses and do my crying now, and the other half just cant give in.

I just want it too much. I can see how good it could be if it worked out. And I know how much its going to hurt when I finally cant pretend anymore and have to face up to facts.

Fucken so many feelings and thoughts. Just want it to be over, but cant let it go.

I guess Im just more scared of giving up on something that I have even the smallest chance of succeeding with, because THAT would be worse than anything

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