asking too much? or settling for too little?

A very dear friend, one of my boys, G4D, passed away after a motorbike accident this week.

This post is in relation to ONE persons reaction to this event, because as my boys know, THEIR reaction is at the moment too hurtful and anger-inciting for me to blog about.

i have spent the week since my friend had his accident crying out for some attention, affection, support, and most of all – a hug and some comfort and no one has given it to me.

now i know DH has been REALLY flat out at work and he lives a fair drive away (hes at A, im at B – 40 mins or so each way

so G4D’s accident was sunday (i didnt see DH on sunday) DH came out for a business meeting on monday arvo which i went to regardless of the fact that G4D died 30 mins before, and i had only found out 15 mins before he got here to pick me up

so after the meeting we squeezed in a coffee b4 having to pick up Bugalugs from school, and i told him. he was a little annoyed i didnt tell him when he arrived so we could cancel, but i didnt want to burden him and i could handle it so i waitied till the meeting was taken care of, then told him

so i then saw him on thurs for a coffee where i pretended i was fine and told him i was pretending, because he asked why i was so normal instead of falling apart (I must admit – i have been falling apart – G4D was VERY close to me). He had been calling me alot even though he was exhausted, and i will admit to snapping at him a bit and taking things out on him a little – maybe even more than a little

so friday he came up here, and we did some business stuff together, went and got Bugalugs, and he went to go home. at which point i got grumpy because i still hadnt gotten my hug or any comfort (u know how us girls need a cuddle somes)

my point is – even for a guy, even after being told flat out mon-thursday nights and days on the fone that i wanted “some comfort and a big hug” is the excuse he gave me valid, or a cop out? his excuse was that he fucked up, didnt think of it etc.
i will admit that after he left i rang him as he drove down the street to yell at him for being so insensitive and me going hugless and hung up on him…
his response was to turn around and drive straight back, walk into my house, found me in my room curled up on my bed and forced me to talk it out with him, and apologise – apologised quite a bit for him.

i spoke to RE about this tonight, to which he responded: u want something, ask him. if you want a hug and he’s in the room, bloody say so

but my point was that i stopped the mind reading thing by telling him for 4 and a half days that i needed a hug and for someone to spend with me and comfort me. even he admits that he knew exactly i wanted, and the second i started yelling at him on the fone he thought “SHIT – IVE REALLY FUCKED UP BIG THIS TIME” even he knew immediately he had done wrong

my point all along was that i had been asking ppl for that, those closest to me, and noone had done it. i just wanted someone to give me i needed, without having to remind them every 2 seconds. just to receive a bit of what i give them repeatedly

Is it really too much to ask that someone give you what you need and want from them without having to repeatedly remind them? I fixed the usual complaint about us girls not telling you what we want, so how can the ‘Im male i cant read your mind so tell me’ card still apply after that?

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