no translations sorry

For all who read my other site, yes i know about the last post, and no, im not translating the afrikaans. Some thoughts are just too sensitive to be read by all.
Quick updates:
Friday – ran around doing a million things, and prepping for saturday
Saturday – got up early to clean, after going to bed late, and spent the whole day doing stuff for DH. which is where the rest of the post comes in……
This post is going to offend people, so im asking that comments are either emailed or given in person. I know most of you do that already, but in this instance im insisting on it.Dont say you werent warned…….
So theres alot going through my head, not all of which will be put here, so dont think it has. Im just feeling really drained. Really used. Really underappreciated. Really unequal.
Not all his fault, but he does seem to be being the catalyst for alot of this lately, but i spent the day running around after DH yesterday. I brokered the deal to get his car lowered at bargain price, with extra benefits, and with brilliant workmanship, so we swapped cars for the day. I had also previously offered him an absolutely brilliant sound system, which had gone a bit awry, and so had offered to temporarily replace that offer by offerring him the new one i had bought, and said id install it on the same day. Note here that I had Bugalugs with me too, and itwas a bad day behaviour wise too.
After a quick change a couple of days ago with the head unit to make the deal more suitable for him than it was, another chance arose, so i offered, and he decided to go with my opinion. So I changed it again. More effort, more expense. So the original lowering kit looked crap, well, not crap exactly, but not up to my standard. So I changed it. More effort, more expense. And in order to get them to go that extra mile, had to shout all the boys there lunch, and do the lunch run myself in the work ute. And to get the big man to give up the better product, i had to do the fvour exchange – if he was working for free, i had to too. More effort, more expense.
So the head unit required 4 trips to purchase additional shit to get it to go right, plus extra fiddling. More effort, more expense. Fucking thing took over 2.5 hrs to install, not including time spent running back & forth, and all over penrith to find the bits i needed in stock. God it hurt to pay rrp for that stuff! Spacers to suit werent avail, so had to order in, and knew id have to tell DH i couldnt keep my word. Again. More effort, more expense, more time, and i was starting to feel sick with that knowledge of yet another time id let him down.
So in order to avoid throwing stuff, i drove his car around to a few contacts in order to pick up parts, get quotes, get it tested, and get detailed advice on specifics for the necessary upgrades. (that thing is a fucking dog). Particular items i had been assured were in had been put aside for me – paid for – but couldnt be found. More effort, more expense, more feeling sick that the surprise id said was ANOTHER thing that id be letting him down on. So after sorting numerous parts incl throttle body, exhaust, etc, took it to MrB to get the align/balance done right on the way back to his cousins. Got into an argument (not the bad kind) and was asked to put money on my side. Quite a bit actually. So more effort, and nearly a fucking shitload of expense LOL.
So i get it back to dans to use his tools, and replaced half, and cleaned up all of the AIS. About all i could do considering I was missing parts. More effort, more expense.
Took it down to MBP to get the lights sorted for him. Drama with a previous bodgy smash repair, and the original install of one of the lights. More effort, no more expense, but more sick feeling (not too much – this one wasnt my fault in any way – it was his but oh well)
Back to Finish this install, speakers in the doors a major bitch. The trim was a bitch to start with earlier. Things going wrong one after the other. Had enough. Rand him to say i couldnt take any more today, and got attitude. The beginnings of a guilt trip. Decided after that im definately not doing any more today. Had less than 2 hrs to put the thing back together. More effort, and since i fucked my nails big time, am going to claim more expense here too. bastard should have been nicer & more sympathetic, and more appreciative of the situation, and then i wouldnt have assigned him the blame. lol
All the while, of course, I had bugalugs, who was having a bit of a bad day, so was HEAPS more effort there, and more expense, and turns out that each time we went to a particular store the guys were feeding him jelly beans without me knowing, so as i went there for DHs car, im blaming him. Why not? lol
So a million phone calls, favours, trips around penrith & st marys areas, chipped nails, ruined polish, frazzled nerves, times spent yelling at bugalugs, times i made an ass of myself, stress levels through the roof, times i wanted to throw things, coins in dans swear jar (farkn farkn farkn) what was his response? Not much. Oh yes, he said thanks, but dont get too excited or grateful will you? And i apreciated him calling a bit later to say yes, he can feel a diff in the AIS, and what a great job my boys did, no mention of how good i did, or the amount of effort involved. Plenty however on hassling me to finish it on tuesday. Plenty on him having to go. Plenty on him being unimpressed with me failing to completely hold things together until he had left and J was sleeping. Plenty on how that wasnt appropriate with J home to be failing.
BECAUSE OF COURSE ITS NOT AS IF I WAS TRYING NOT TO FALL APART.
We all know how i LOVE to have people see me as less than made of stone. How i have no idea whats good for my own child. How I love to be told all this by people who dont have kids themselves, let alone kids like J. And how 1/4 doses of morphine are totally adequate to control the pain from my back, and fucking around with his car all day was actually good for it.
And none of this has yet mentioned my cousin, FGRs brother, FGR, my mahta, MIN, or any of the other things im dealing with, let alone the favours etc that i was asked by others yesterday, this is just 1 person who hasnt been a friend for that long.

Now can you see why im tired, grumpy, and feeling unappreciated and undervalued?

What do i want? Appreciation. Thanks. And for someone to be as good a friend as me and give me what i need. A refill. Because i think im empty. If im not, trust me, its all vapours now.

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