where to start?

A new spot for my ramblings…….hmmm…..ok then. Those who read my previous location will know the pseudonyms…others…well…..if you know me it shouldnt be too hard. If you dont, you wont care anyways.

ok
so heres hoping this might help clear my head and make sense of the insanity that is my life. HA HA HA HA HA.

So thanks to last nights episodes, today has been rather crap. Started off well in so far as i got to sleep in. YAY! Bugalugs stayed at Himmys for a sleep over and i stayed in bed till after 8am. But then i woke up. And the thoughts started.

Why is it that you cant put your brain on hold? And why cant you see into other peoples brains? That goes for all 3 of yesterdays scenes.

1. What on earth made the boys think I’d find it funny? Such a huge part of my life, so why think making a joke of it would be amusing? I couldnt help freaking out like I did. I know it was a bit weird for me to do that sort of thing, but considering the circumstances……. It was a primal instinct reaction. It surprised me just as much. I would have forgiven it straight away……it was the fact they laughed that got me. And kept laughing, even though i was upset.

2. Cant BELIEVE the text war that went on. I even used that word I hate. The whole lot of them getting in on it. Telling me I was overreacting. OVERREACTING? That my best friends didnt care that I freaked out, paniced and got upset, even cried (shocking but true) and their response was to laugh and tell me I was being a drama queen? Heaven forbid that I might expect thatmy best friends would care about that. Or stop something when i asked them to because it upset me. Seems thats too much to ask.

3. Speaking of too much to ask….. After all he asked and i never said no. After all Ive done for him. I ask 1 thing, and he does that. He knew i didnt want to have that talk on the fone, but he kept pushing. So we did (sorta). And it went wrong. I’m not sure I took what he said the right way, and I know he didnt quite get what I was trying to say. And I didnt get to say it all. So I thought, stuff it – I didnt want it to be like this, and now its gone wrong, and I’m not liking it and want it sorted, why not call 1 in? I didnt want it dragging on for days, or even hours, because I knew it would turn into a mess, which is why I wanted it face to face in the first place. So I called and pointed out that I know im being a pain, and I know hes tired, but just want it sorted and not dragging out, so am asking to see him and finish the conv. Even if i had to go to him to do it, i dont mind, but Im asking for this to happen. I thought at the time (now not completely sure, but still pretty confident) that he agreed. That he needed shower etc, but would call me later. I asked him not to take to long about it, and would hold him to that. that was at 7.30. when 9.30 rolled around and stillnothing, I called. Got voicemail. Left message. Felt bad for being so needy/whingy/whatever but hey, 9.30! So still nothing and called at 10.30. Got booked AGAIN for calling him from car. had to call back. Left angry message this time (hey, why not, right?) and he rang back. Saying he never agreed. And he was out with friends (uhuh). I actually hung up on him at 1 point. He called back, and was shitty that I was pushing the point. Which i wasnt. I was pissed that the 1 time i asked him for something, it was all too hard. He went out with friends instead. So much for being tired. Lying bastard. I didnt care about the conv, that wasnt the point. It was that I ASKED him for 1 thing and it wasnt important to him. I wasnt important to him.

But anyway, Im going to drop that subject before I say something I probably shouldnt. And I have SHARK on msn hanging out for some attention. Could use the distraction, but its probably not a good idea, so I think I’ll leave it.

If it was a perfect world DH would have made the SHARK soup. But its not. And this post is long enough.

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