Well Slap Me Down & Call Me Chicken Little

Blogger ate my post.

Oh wait.

Im on WordPress now.

New host, same ole shit I suppose

Anyhoo, instead of re-doing the whole post I already did earlier I will simply restate my conclusions thusly

1. Im drunk
2. My world is falling down around my ears
3. I have no-one to blame but myself for those 2 things
4. When I get depressed/stressed/whatever – I cook. I now have a housefull of dirty dishes, a filthy oven, and so much food I could feed a small african nation for 6 days. Any hungry people: ask and you shall recieve. Sweets for all. yay.
5. That was the saddest yay Ive ever written
6. I now no longer have any boys
7. I now no longer have my Pia
8. I now no longer have a male genetic donor person
9. I shall very soon no longer have a dickhead
10. I dont care who or what is to blame for those things. Fact is, thats how they are. End of story.
11. Sometimes all you want in the world is a hug from your son
12. When all you want is a hug from your son, all he will want is to play at the park.
13. Crying makes your eyes hurt
14. Also makes your chest hurt. Or maybe thats just me.
15. Phones ring non-stop when you want silence.
16. Phones never ring when you want them to. Or at least, the person you want is never on the other end.
17. Mr Johnny Walker should always be taken to dinner before you put him in your mouth.
18. When the sky falls, blue tac just wont cut it. I need to get me some superglue.

I need to stop hoping that the picture I have in my head will happen in reality. Because in reality, even if the picture DID happen, it wouldnt ever feel the way it feels in my mind.

I want to get back to drawing. I think I will. And not just because Im pissed. I need an outlet. And fuck knows Im no good at writing. I write like I speak, just straight from my brain to my mouth and out it comes, not thought in between, no editing. I do it to empty my head, and because once ive spat it out it seems more real, and i can see it, and feel it and understand it and deal with it. I can take one look and say "thats crap" and fix it. Kinda like art. And now Im rambling, and it was writing that made me see it. So now I can say "thats crap" and fix it.

By shutting up.

And look, you didnt even need to stuff anything in my mouth to get me to be quiet.

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